7iv3

don't try so hard is being played... my room is waiting to be completely cleaned and setted up for this term... the flame is being played... people that i haven't seen in a while give signs of life, it's good to know they're there too, it's always good to see a smile even if that leads me into trouble, some people can't see the difference between past, present, illusion and facts, anyway, i have to go... you shook me all night long is being played... it isn't the same, need///no/// that feeling! hell, this must have got into my dna, i'm smiling "to take another swing, /../ shook me all night long!!!" hell, this song has become part of me... love stinks is being played... so funny yet it feels kinda true, i only have to say, it might stink, but it tastes sooo good!... ride on is being played... what can i say? that song explains itself... don't come around here anymore... hell this a random list but it looks like it was arranged by my ex, hahahaha... let me see what's next...HAHAHAHA Master & Servant!

awesome, nothing better than talking with someone who has a complete idea of what you're going through so each other supports on their reasons to throw a molotov over someone's head... aaaah.. that's the good thing of having friends who are working on what you're studying... awesome... now i can feel the relieved about everything...

Thank you guys for the time we spent together, i had lots of fun and i've learned a lot in these months, i really thank you all for everything!... so, i've got nothing left to say but...
See you the next winter!

like nothing...
spending the night, dancing around, smiling all the time.. some things can't be found at the bottom of a shot
even so, regardless how disapointing things can turn, i'm still holding on to that idea, that there's something good in everything and that everyone deserves a second chance if they show that they've learned of their mistakes...
love...
some people just hook up with the cutie who's flirting around - "your place or mine?" - and pretending that it's the only thing that matters... trying to fill the pool with steam? is not the same...
whistling... this song has it and i love it; well, long time ago a teacher told me "ladies don't whistle", mmm... it's not a good argument, that's why sometimes, when i'm not singing i just whistle...
walked alone yesterday morning, coming up the hill just like my roomate used to do, thinking of all that i have to do this year... hell, it'll be great!

i shouldn't care about it anymore... but hell, i do
i shouldn't spend more time thinking about that puzzle... but i want to know for sure if everything that has been suggested is true (even if it hurts)... i can't get more traces nor signs to settle everything perfectly... even so, it stands by itself with what i got until now... and i only would like to know why did that person did that...
i shouldn't... but i do
when was the last time i throw myself to an empty pool? many times... but i've come through, would it be due to my knowledge of what i was getting into? hell, so i can't complain, may be i trusted more than i should (as usual)... the past is gone, am i lying? so naive, too naive
and i know you won't come back... and i know that you hide lots of things, regardless of how alluring you were... if there was something true, what was it?
let live and die... oh hell i made i mistake, just live and let die... leave and live ... and die
why do we get into this kind of things? why are we, humans, so stupid to step more than once over the same stone? we know what could hurt us, even so, we go, we try, we fall... may be hoping that someday we won't fall, it won't hurt, we'll get better than before, and at last, may be, at last, we won't have to take care about it anymore... but here i am again, once again thinking of what am i going to wear tonight, thinking of how am i going to deal with that guy if he shows up, sometimes getting strayed in my fantasies with that stupid dream of him getting in the club saying all what i think he should... but it won't happen, not in this world, it would be so easy... yet so hard to be... so i gotta keep going with what i've got, with my success and failures, virtues and sins, i'm just another human being in this place... just another one.
Living alone, isn't it what i wanted for years? yes, indeed, and i love it... but there's something that doesn't depend on me at all, people i deal with everyday. Until now, most of them have been very nice, i can't complain, but sometimes (why do i?) trust in those that are not as sincere as i thought they were, well, it happens. can't blame them. it's the way it is...
Pushing myself to remember, playing those songs that i, inevitability, will associate with those moments... even when i know that it will hurt a little bit, yet i, inevitability, will find more reasons why stand up and do what i have to do and like... dissappear... just when i want to... just when i need to.
Now, as strayed as i am, don't know what else i could say without writing a name, this feeling doesn't goes away... sometimes i wish it would have been just an illusion, but it doesn't change, sometimes i wish i would be as easy as finding someone else, whoever, and pretend that i can use it to replace and forget, but it doesn't work that way. I've screwed myself, it doesn' work... can't help it... can't help it... just like this songs says "y cada noche vendra una estrella a hacerme compaia, que te cuente como estoy y sepas lo que hay..." or maybe (hell, Faith no more has a good version!) that song that fitted so perfectly: "sounds funny but i just can't stand the pain/.../i'm leaving you tomorrow/.../easy like sunday morning"... but i must admit, that there's one that i like a lot and it says "...good times never seemed so good"...
LIVE and let DIE

home is ithe place where your heart is... my heart is always with me, home is everywhere i am... home is here, home is now... but i've got a ticket for this 25th, and i'm going back to fulfill what i should have done a couple years ago, such a stupid to let got so much time, anyway, i've decided to come back (oh hell yeah, like it would be that easy) and somehow i'll find my way to run away from the summer in Lima once again... 3 years without summer, i think it would be great, i really enjoyed this months here, so... i'll have to show my face around here (again)... is this a warning? hell yeah, it is!
tomorrown we're having a parade, St. Patrick's day! irish blood everywhere, green stuff, and i guess, since i won't have to work the next week... i'm allowed to get wasted (will i do it? don't think so) but there'll be a lot of fun! RUUUUUUUN!
whatever... feeling alive, feeling alive

falling,
a shineless tear ends its way down my face... falls... sometimes sweetness is worthless in some situations... when it's more likely to get punched (but it's better than fake caress) so it just leaves me with the feeling of, and what should i expect from all of this? should i give up to the idea that not everyone kind just because they want to get something out of you?... hope is the last thing you should lose...
rise my head, look around, no one's there, at least one call... alone... didn't comb my hair, getting ready for another night, smiling regardless of how tired or sick i might be, regardless of how sad i might be...
look at my hands, dried, hurt, cold... it's been a long time... look at my face in the mirror, wrinkles that have gotten bigger... like a zombie, just take a few steps and find those things that are worth to fight for and... i just smile again... there's always a shot!

--- getting drunk all the time... trying to remember what i did the last night -*-- freaking out when i don't find my clothes... what the hell! am i lost? --- now i try to hold my keys, oh jesus, at least i'm free, pick up and dress up with cheap pants and a tshirt (hey! those are mine!) ... run, run and run... hold my breath, now i'm far away //// demons, yeah i got lost... i close my eyes, i hardly start to rememer, 3 guys, one bottle, (hell, and those next to me? we've been drinking a lot!), a challenge, "they're going down!", 3, 2, 1... they're done!, i've got the prize!, what? just a pretty smile? i can't hold on anymore, i want to fall but there won't be anyone to catch me this time, anyway, i fall, and hit the ground in a known sequence "knees, elbow, head... knee, elbow head" fade away... don't want to leave, but i must, the system is shutting down, sister, so just close your eyes and in a while you'll see the sun (if you survive)
and how did i end up there? i recall... the fever... i was sick before i started that game... fever... so i started to take off my pants and tshirt... and fainted (again)... that's how i ended up there... and today is??? no way to know... who were those guys??? no way to know... this is what i get by getting involved each time i see a challenge (at least i won this time, didn't i?) hahahaha... gotta go, work to do, people to talk to... gotta go... i just... don't know what happened here

Everything began with a phonecall "... since, we're not getting busy we'll start with the lounge, could you please move to room 2..." and it thought that i only was going to do my laundry today... anyway... "this will be a good way to know if everything's gonna fit when i'm going back to home"... so I started... thinking for a while about what happened in that room the last season and in these months... thinking that it would be the last time i'd see that room as "my room", things, places, memories, the first time i arrived with Holly (my roomate on 2004-05), the times i arrived wasted (only 5), the day i came back (as i said i would), someone, people, i don't know... all were recalled and drifted away as i was putting everything to be moved, leaving what i didn't need anymore in a garbage bag... when all was set up, i started to take everything to the new place, smaller, but familiar (i've cleaned that room a couple times)... moved one of the bed to make more room for myself, put everything where it was supposed to be... and came to do my laundry... memories... are they supposed to be forgotten someday? once i said "always"... we'll see what happens about it...by now, i only know that i have to be at the Spinning Room by 10 to play pool and talk about many things with a friend... bye!