Saturday, April 29, 2006
i'll be there... and i'll laugh at it!
this is it... another apocalyptic chanmail talking about Fatima's message... funny detail, today i got 666 views on my profile! hahahhaha, well, that message deals about this june 6th... pretty close uh? so it says about great catastrophe, death everywhere and condemnation to all who don't believe in God the way a part of the world believe... why will i'll be laughing at it? if it happens, well, boys and girls! it's been called for a very long time and i'm surprised it didn't happen before!... if it doesn't, well boys and girls! do you really have to wait for a disaster to make up your mind and do everything as deep inside you know it should be?...
this date has a little detail missing... since it's based on the gregorian calendar it' imprecise, go look for the history of how did that calendar became to exist besides other the imprecisions of this nice calendar we use on the western-influenced cultures...
oh well, religion is not a good theme to talk about... it requires courage to talk about one's beliefs especially when many of them are based on faith, related to subjectivity and that's a veeeeery wide field where everyone, eventually, will find a shelter, department, mansion or whatever is needed to do not be forced to leave the basis of the way they think the world is... and since it's only I, me, myself, my and something else to talk about it right now... i'm not in the mood to write about it anymore... anyway... as long as people are truth to their beliefs and are consequent and tolerant... everyone's welcome!
this date has a little detail missing... since it's based on the gregorian calendar it' imprecise, go look for the history of how did that calendar became to exist besides other the imprecisions of this nice calendar we use on the western-influenced cultures...
oh well, religion is not a good theme to talk about... it requires courage to talk about one's beliefs especially when many of them are based on faith, related to subjectivity and that's a veeeeery wide field where everyone, eventually, will find a shelter, department, mansion or whatever is needed to do not be forced to leave the basis of the way they think the world is... and since it's only I, me, myself, my and something else to talk about it right now... i'm not in the mood to write about it anymore... anyway... as long as people are truth to their beliefs and are consequent and tolerant... everyone's welcome!
i'll be there... and i'll laugh at it!
this is it... another apocalyptic chanmail talking about Fatima's message... funny detail, today i got 666 views on my profile! hahahhaha, well, that message deals about this june 6th... pretty close uh? so it says about great catastrophe, death everywhere and condemnation to all who don't believe in God the way a part of the world believe... why will i'll be laughing at it? if it happens, well, boys and girls! it's been called for a very long time and i'm surprised it didn't happen before!... if it doesn't, well boys and girls! do you really have to wait for a disaster to make up your mind and do everything as deep inside you know it should be?...
this date has a little detail missing... since it's based on the gregorian calendar it' imprecise, go look for the history of how did that calendar became to exist besides other the imprecisions of this nice calendar we use on the western-influenced cultures...
oh well, religion is not a good theme to talk about... it requires courage to talk about one's beliefs especially when many of them are based on faith, related to subjectivity and that's a veeeeery wide field where everyone, eventually, will find a shelter, department, mansion or whatever is needed to do not be forced to leave the basis of the way they think the world is... and since it's only I, me, myself, my and something else to talk about it right now... i'm not in the mood to write about it anymore... anyway... as long as people are truth to their beliefs and are consequent and tolerant... everyone's welcome!
this date has a little detail missing... since it's based on the gregorian calendar it' imprecise, go look for the history of how did that calendar became to exist besides other the imprecisions of this nice calendar we use on the western-influenced cultures...
oh well, religion is not a good theme to talk about... it requires courage to talk about one's beliefs especially when many of them are based on faith, related to subjectivity and that's a veeeeery wide field where everyone, eventually, will find a shelter, department, mansion or whatever is needed to do not be forced to leave the basis of the way they think the world is... and since it's only I, me, myself, my and something else to talk about it right now... i'm not in the mood to write about it anymore... anyway... as long as people are truth to their beliefs and are consequent and tolerant... everyone's welcome!
666
ode to a myth
we will light the candles, share our moments with relief, pray for another day, just like we used to be, in the dark we'll hold them high to see the path we tread... just like a game, we'll sing... without any rhythm, we'll dance... and when we think it's almost over... we'll recall that the begining has just come to us...
Shouting at those clowns who deceived us... impaling those fears we thought were stronger than us... recalling the name of those who never swore their love and those who thought that they might lie... as we burn them as they hit the ground each part releases what we thought was stolen but they're just shadows for the real thing was always inside us... it was ourselves...
senseless thoughts running down my fingers, striking the keys in a desperate way out from my mind, escaping while they can... as far as they can
but after every breath we exhale, there's new air coming into our lungs, we give away and something comes on its place... makes it bigger, makes it smaller, makes it change... it keeps moving and that's how we can feel it's still alive... no one could say what we've been through better than we could, no one could feel that the way we did... no one could steal those moments we lived, died, cried and laugh just to do it all over again... smile, turn the head gaze upon a new target... ATTACK! hahahaha, there we go again...
It's strange how a 13 year old song can inspire the same feeling... softly moves my eardrums it comes a kind hard... when i hear that sound on the radio... i feel the heat of a deserted heart... and hopelessly in search for love... leads me back to you... predictable, inevitable... i'll fall again, i'll believe again... i'll think of you... once again... but it won't be the same
then... in the emptiness of my room (which has become too small since you left this part of the world, i barely can find it's corners) i gaze at the window, the clouds are static, the wind is quiet... start to move my fingers, blink twice before i stand up, run to the window and jump... i'll fall nowhere, 'cos nowhere is where i want to go.. it doesn't matter, i'm spinning on the air, spread my wings and scratch my knees before i fly high.. so high... one second here, then somewhere else... i don't know how long i'll be able to stand it... spin again, free falling... noone on my path... good bye
we will light the candles, share our moments with relief, pray for another day, just like we used to be, in the dark we'll hold them high to see the path we tread... just like a game, we'll sing... without any rhythm, we'll dance... and when we think it's almost over... we'll recall that the begining has just come to us...
Shouting at those clowns who deceived us... impaling those fears we thought were stronger than us... recalling the name of those who never swore their love and those who thought that they might lie... as we burn them as they hit the ground each part releases what we thought was stolen but they're just shadows for the real thing was always inside us... it was ourselves...
senseless thoughts running down my fingers, striking the keys in a desperate way out from my mind, escaping while they can... as far as they can
but after every breath we exhale, there's new air coming into our lungs, we give away and something comes on its place... makes it bigger, makes it smaller, makes it change... it keeps moving and that's how we can feel it's still alive... no one could say what we've been through better than we could, no one could feel that the way we did... no one could steal those moments we lived, died, cried and laugh just to do it all over again... smile, turn the head gaze upon a new target... ATTACK! hahahaha, there we go again...
It's strange how a 13 year old song can inspire the same feeling... softly moves my eardrums it comes a kind hard... when i hear that sound on the radio... i feel the heat of a deserted heart... and hopelessly in search for love... leads me back to you... predictable, inevitable... i'll fall again, i'll believe again... i'll think of you... once again... but it won't be the same
then... in the emptiness of my room (which has become too small since you left this part of the world, i barely can find it's corners) i gaze at the window, the clouds are static, the wind is quiet... start to move my fingers, blink twice before i stand up, run to the window and jump... i'll fall nowhere, 'cos nowhere is where i want to go.. it doesn't matter, i'm spinning on the air, spread my wings and scratch my knees before i fly high.. so high... one second here, then somewhere else... i don't know how long i'll be able to stand it... spin again, free falling... noone on my path... good bye
666
a "short confession" to a friend I haven't seen in years, he might be in France by now but he was the first Prince I've ever met in my life
A friend was deeply dissapointed the last night... but it's better to wake up from a dream than let your life go while you're sleeping...
It's funny, sometimes we start something like "behind the rain, the sun, and i never felt better, i don't know what happened that changed the colors of the world... without knowing it, you've got inside me... thinking about you so much made me make up my mind, and it's me, i can't hold on anymore, i don't care what's going to happen.. only you can destroy me, or save me, 2 words will be enough... i could wait for you until the sea evaporates... but you say no more..."... that thrill... tell me "yes" and my world will crumble down just to make a new one for us... tell me "no" and all the previous illusions i had in my mind for you will crumble down... tell me "yes" and i'll have the silliest and happiest smile on my face as long as we're together, tell me "no" and i'll forget another piece of the happiness that brings be with you... hold me back just that little moment, my hands are shaking i try to do not act like a fool but i can't help smiling when you're around... each moment i see you the whole world fits just in your fingertips, the universe can be seen in your eyes, i feel spread all over the scenario yet so secure even when i'm not in the form i'm used to... i find new ways i find new sounds i find and i'd like to share all of them with you, i might not be the strongest i might not be the smartest but i'll gladly comfront any challenge just to bring the best of everything for you... i'm just myself yet i find the way to be greater just to make you smile... i can't hold my feelings, i can't help them be, they just push me more and more towards you... and... even if you don't feel the same, don't worry, i'll be there for you...
hell, i must be insane... squizoid
"he might be working now
wil he recall those days when we used to play every friday noon?
don't know, he might be locking his thoughts besides his logical behaviour, always preise, always in time
flawless, perfect.. just as he could be...
alone at the end of night
tired of listenin his mom talking about their trips to holland, austria and nepal, has he ever wondered if he could ever be just like another guy, another fella he met? could it ever be?
perfect... flawless, so smart
highest grades i've ever seen in school
highest acceptance among students and teachers.. but.. why did i always saw him like he was alone, so alone?... it might be cos i felt lost those days.. strayed into my labyrinth of dreams and illusions trying to escape from reality.. was it what i tried to do every friday noon? even so... i remembe those moments with such jyoy, they were (he was) the best reference that there are better things here down on earth, yet... far away , so close, tomboys can't be princess, as Royalty would never place their gaze on a tomboy-ranger-almost-squizoid...
that's how years passed... i've got into a freaky relationship... saw him for a last time while i was in that... then he went somewhere else.. far away... and i never had the chance to tell him how much he inspired me.. in a very particular way... what i know he's already with someone (and i hope he has found that person with whom he feels completly comfortable) these are the words i'd like him to know... I always remember you as a Prince... good bye my fella, my best wishes wherever you're... whenever you read this... i really wish you the best..."
wil he recall those days when we used to play every friday noon?
don't know, he might be locking his thoughts besides his logical behaviour, always preise, always in time
flawless, perfect.. just as he could be...
alone at the end of night
tired of listenin his mom talking about their trips to holland, austria and nepal, has he ever wondered if he could ever be just like another guy, another fella he met? could it ever be?
perfect... flawless, so smart
highest grades i've ever seen in school
highest acceptance among students and teachers.. but.. why did i always saw him like he was alone, so alone?... it might be cos i felt lost those days.. strayed into my labyrinth of dreams and illusions trying to escape from reality.. was it what i tried to do every friday noon? even so... i remembe those moments with such jyoy, they were (he was) the best reference that there are better things here down on earth, yet... far away , so close, tomboys can't be princess, as Royalty would never place their gaze on a tomboy-ranger-almost-squizoid...
that's how years passed... i've got into a freaky relationship... saw him for a last time while i was in that... then he went somewhere else.. far away... and i never had the chance to tell him how much he inspired me.. in a very particular way... what i know he's already with someone (and i hope he has found that person with whom he feels completly comfortable) these are the words i'd like him to know... I always remember you as a Prince... good bye my fella, my best wishes wherever you're... whenever you read this... i really wish you the best..."
demons... find a gun and shoot me... at least the confession has been sent... Sic Erat In Fatis... Si Vis Pacem, Para Bellum
Currently listening:
Moenia Hits Live
666
carajo maldita sea... por que demonios mi hermano tiene que ser tan condenadamente egoista??? que mierda le cuesta dejar las malditas ventanas abiertas??? carajo!!! esta maldita computadora tiene mas memoria RAM que la que el nunca en su vida tendra!!!!! maldita sea... carajo...
en fin... un inspiradismo blog estaba naaciendo y este parvulo insensato se le dio por cerrar las ventanas mientras sali un rato tan solo para ver un videito... que imbecil carajo, que imbecil!!!!
en fin... un inspiradismo blog estaba naaciendo y este parvulo insensato se le dio por cerrar las ventanas mientras sali un rato tan solo para ver un videito... que imbecil carajo, que imbecil!!!!
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
static quest
after a very inspired blog got lost on the inet (Server not found) that dealt about catching fishes, violinist cats, ghost and a very obvious confession... oh, and tried to find myself to write something decent... here I am... unrequested (you don't have to keep the subscription, you can cancel it if you want, I mean it :) ), unleashed and underweared!
well, whoever said that it took 3 times the time you had a crush or were in love with someone to forget about them was quite imprecise... hell, it's been what, 3 months and something? yeah, and I still remember him... I recognize that I gave my word to "remember" him but hell, this is getting ridiculous, I mean, it's not like there are bad memories and it's painful to remember, it's not like I'm longing him nor like I'm waiting for him... it's odd.
On one side I've got my logical part, laughing at this result (that was expected) and like a severed part of myself which just says "I told you, you can't claim ignorance nor innocence, you were aware of what was going on and every report of the case was analized and until now, regardless of the reports that might give you arguments to support the theory that all was just a game, you still want to believe it was true... so don't ask for more answers in this department since more data would be needed to process what is left about it... but I can live without those answers, weren't you happy to live what you lived with him? so live the present and keep going on"... on the other side my emotional part (severed too) says "i've looked, listened, analized, i might have been fooled but i don't feel like i was, everything i gave i did 'cos i felt he deserved it for the way he was... he's the closest to the ideal... i really wish him the best. whatever i do for someone i don't expect anything in return, it's granted 'cos i consider they deserve it..."... so there I am, in the middle deciding, the "roller-coaster" feeling is still there when i recall those moments, i can't help smiling, it's so exciting, so lively, so... unusual, almost like a dream... anyway... life's more surprising than fiction, though i don't think it'll be the same if we meet again (if we ever do)... people have more experiences, live and grow in some way, they might change some facts and ideas they had in order to keep the rhythm with the life they have and it's with those changes that people can test their own essence, be truth to oneself and all that stuff that gives life that delicious flavor (hahaha, always relating everything with food!)
whatever... it was good to write today... :D
Saturday, April 22, 2006
today
it couldn't be any other day... just today... the day i felt all the boredom i could ever imagine in this year... got sick of food, got sick of my school, got sick of waking up early in the morning and have to do assigments with classmates who make me wonder each time they open their mouth "how did they make it until here? i might not be the greatest student around but for godsake! that's less than the basics!"... anyway... so i skipped my classes, came home and posted some "rules" i found while i was surfing on the net before i decided to skip my classes (hell, being there for another 6 hours, no thank you, not today)... it was on a malkavian's fan (if you don't know what's a malkavian, well, just use google, there's plenty info about them) webpage... i used to play as a ventrue, insanity was far beyond my ideal rpg (why? too common for myself, it's a rpg, not making an extension of your real life) but this review made me change my mind a little, though it's more relaxed, it's more complex than just playing craziness all the time, do it without meaning it...
well, in 6 hours i must get ready for a wedding, my cousin needed someone to go with (i guess he wished he'd had broken up with his gf the next sunday, not a month ago), my dress might not fit me as it used to 'cos my "extras" are still there (but they're not as much as they were when i arrived) my mood is not the most party style right now... but it'll change in a while... as soon as i throw all this in this strange catharsis that i'm getting used to do...
well, in 6 hours i must get ready for a wedding, my cousin needed someone to go with (i guess he wished he'd had broken up with his gf the next sunday, not a month ago), my dress might not fit me as it used to 'cos my "extras" are still there (but they're not as much as they were when i arrived) my mood is not the most party style right now... but it'll change in a while... as soon as i throw all this in this strange catharsis that i'm getting used to do...
Thursday, April 20, 2006
1st round... Piazzolla
intoxicated again... with that sound of a violin... strolling around the first melody, flirting with the same line but... in a certain moment... it takes its own way, comes stronger, sings with its own soul... the first melody stays on the background reminding what's the root of the feeling... inhale and exhale with that sight that seems to hide that satisfaction of a woman who has been successfully conquered...
lobos... the night starts with the sun dying while it scratches the ground with its last lights... we look at the grass and feel that unforgettable smell of food, fear in the woods that quietly awaits to be hunted... and eaten!
duo... sounds like a duel against oneself, the second melody is almost imperceptible but stands like a fragile reference of how's the music supposed to go... may be it's the unconscious itself
cafe... como el que uno se toma en la libertad de estar solo y sin mas comania que uno mismo, mira a traves del vidrio que nos separa de la calle misma, con un buen negro en la mano, apreciando ese aroma que lejos de gritarnos "despierta!" es un sutil llamado a la consciencia, entonces la gente que como personajes de un teatro pasan recitando sus lineas, jugando su papel y los autos que inmutables pasan luciendo las lineas propias y, amen que nunca falta, resalta siempre un buen deportivo que respeta la velocidad de la zona... cierro los ojos y tomo un sorbo, ah... aun esta caliente, nisiquiera deseo escribir en este momento, no hay caras familiares en esta calle que solia ser mi centro de juegos, todos se han ido ya... casi un extranjero mas, como esa pareja que lee el NYT o los chicos discutiendo no se que en aleman... la pintoresca apariencia de esta escena, fragil escena en realidad, solo se completa con el nublado cielo que ahogado en niebla apenas deja pasar un recuerdo de los benevolos rayos de luz que aun sirven de refencia para tener una idea del tiempo... un sorbo mas, ya no quema tanto... cojo mi lapiz y trazo un par de garabatos en un rapido intento de plasmar esa persona que esta al frente de la calle en esa extrania expresion, nunca fue tan buena en esas labores, hago mi mejor esfuerzo, apenas (como siempre) solo logro captar ojos, nariz y boca, el rostro completo se aparta... el tiempo pasa... la gente corre... yo sigo con mi cafe... disfrutando de esta inane y candida soledad
lobos... the night starts with the sun dying while it scratches the ground with its last lights... we look at the grass and feel that unforgettable smell of food, fear in the woods that quietly awaits to be hunted... and eaten!
duo... sounds like a duel against oneself, the second melody is almost imperceptible but stands like a fragile reference of how's the music supposed to go... may be it's the unconscious itself
cafe... como el que uno se toma en la libertad de estar solo y sin mas comania que uno mismo, mira a traves del vidrio que nos separa de la calle misma, con un buen negro en la mano, apreciando ese aroma que lejos de gritarnos "despierta!" es un sutil llamado a la consciencia, entonces la gente que como personajes de un teatro pasan recitando sus lineas, jugando su papel y los autos que inmutables pasan luciendo las lineas propias y, amen que nunca falta, resalta siempre un buen deportivo que respeta la velocidad de la zona... cierro los ojos y tomo un sorbo, ah... aun esta caliente, nisiquiera deseo escribir en este momento, no hay caras familiares en esta calle que solia ser mi centro de juegos, todos se han ido ya... casi un extranjero mas, como esa pareja que lee el NYT o los chicos discutiendo no se que en aleman... la pintoresca apariencia de esta escena, fragil escena en realidad, solo se completa con el nublado cielo que ahogado en niebla apenas deja pasar un recuerdo de los benevolos rayos de luz que aun sirven de refencia para tener una idea del tiempo... un sorbo mas, ya no quema tanto... cojo mi lapiz y trazo un par de garabatos en un rapido intento de plasmar esa persona que esta al frente de la calle en esa extrania expresion, nunca fue tan buena en esas labores, hago mi mejor esfuerzo, apenas (como siempre) solo logro captar ojos, nariz y boca, el rostro completo se aparta... el tiempo pasa... la gente corre... yo sigo con mi cafe... disfrutando de esta inane y candida soledad
2nd round... Segovia
aaaah... sweet weakness for a good played guitar... a slow tremolo, the first line shows up... crescendo... and alone, resembling that moment when someone loved goes away without a previous call not even giving the time to see their shadow stepping out the room in silence... just a quiet moment, when you just hold your breath to do not cry in that precise moment, and relax to let yourself drown into the pain... slowly... slowly... inhale, exhale... recall and bood bye... there are not tears this time... there are not unspoken words left behind... only that love that might last until both of us die...
andante? hahaha, I never paid atention to learn the slight difference between tempos... rondo? hahahha.. feels like that, fastly and playful like a child on the field, astonished with the view running to every new spot, taking a little break between each one to catch their breath and ... run again!... oooh... sounds like this child got their parents preching them! what have they done? have too much fun? but it's never enough but it's wise to always take care of oneself... that's the way there'll be always a complete "oneself" to play... wise call
ca-no-nic...barroque... what can i say? even though it sounds like an exercise... it's always beautiful
it's a shame that i don't know the name of this song, neither who's playing it... i respect BB King and Clapton a lot but i don't thing that one of them would had been the person who played this piece, besides it's quite far from their style... and technique... so... i'll just enjoy it!
NOW just to make it REALLY GOOD... Raul Garcia Zarate's version of Pukllay Taki (a traditional song from Ayacucho)... the way he plays the guitar... hell, he's the MASTER! and it might be because my blood's been called by the sound, my heart is filled with joy with the songs he rescued from oblivion... i feel like i would be dancing just like we use to do during the carnivals up there in the mountains, all surrounded by browns and grays and greens and blues and that dryness in the air and the delicious food made by many people with the happiness of the celebration... you should see them to understand... by now... i'm just smiling while i picture the whole scenario
andante? hahaha, I never paid atention to learn the slight difference between tempos... rondo? hahahha.. feels like that, fastly and playful like a child on the field, astonished with the view running to every new spot, taking a little break between each one to catch their breath and ... run again!... oooh... sounds like this child got their parents preching them! what have they done? have too much fun? but it's never enough but it's wise to always take care of oneself... that's the way there'll be always a complete "oneself" to play... wise call
ca-no-nic...barroque... what can i say? even though it sounds like an exercise... it's always beautiful
it's a shame that i don't know the name of this song, neither who's playing it... i respect BB King and Clapton a lot but i don't thing that one of them would had been the person who played this piece, besides it's quite far from their style... and technique... so... i'll just enjoy it!
NOW just to make it REALLY GOOD... Raul Garcia Zarate's version of Pukllay Taki (a traditional song from Ayacucho)... the way he plays the guitar... hell, he's the MASTER! and it might be because my blood's been called by the sound, my heart is filled with joy with the songs he rescued from oblivion... i feel like i would be dancing just like we use to do during the carnivals up there in the mountains, all surrounded by browns and grays and greens and blues and that dryness in the air and the delicious food made by many people with the happiness of the celebration... you should see them to understand... by now... i'm just smiling while i picture the whole scenario
G Vs. P
intellectualoid... if someone would ask me for a word to describe the way i write... that would be... intellectualoid...
Adios Nonino with the violin resembling those tears that might not be shed... the almost violent change to a stronger part, more ambicious... coming down and up... like a discusion... like a fight... aren't our feelings like human beings sometimes?... then, a solo again... and soft, and smooth, like a memory with the sweet caress that takes us back to those precious moments that no one else could understand with its ups and downs but still beautiful... and takes that breath... coming faster recalling that moment again and fastly! flirts with the melody until it fades away and comes to be... a Cambalache!... so funny to know that almost 100 years ago people were complaining almost of the same things, corruption, liars, unfairness and conformity to that freaking situation... then... if we are now the way we are it's because those before us didn't do something solid to make that change... and if our children and grandchildren will suffer the same (or worse) will be due to our inactivity in front of those things that makes our world such a mess... may be... the difference lies on the source, like we used to say around here "la limpieza empieza por casa"
Time to sleep... for today
Adios Nonino with the violin resembling those tears that might not be shed... the almost violent change to a stronger part, more ambicious... coming down and up... like a discusion... like a fight... aren't our feelings like human beings sometimes?... then, a solo again... and soft, and smooth, like a memory with the sweet caress that takes us back to those precious moments that no one else could understand with its ups and downs but still beautiful... and takes that breath... coming faster recalling that moment again and fastly! flirts with the melody until it fades away and comes to be... a Cambalache!... so funny to know that almost 100 years ago people were complaining almost of the same things, corruption, liars, unfairness and conformity to that freaking situation... then... if we are now the way we are it's because those before us didn't do something solid to make that change... and if our children and grandchildren will suffer the same (or worse) will be due to our inactivity in front of those things that makes our world such a mess... may be... the difference lies on the source, like we used to say around here "la limpieza empieza por casa"
Time to sleep... for today
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
Wednesday's Fool
Asi empezo el dia... en la vagancia de los minutos que queria dejar pasar para inundar mi cabeza en los suenios que por lo pronto han de esperar... 23 minutos... no era tarde... mas aun, a tiempo para empezar... empezar... otro dia....
Casi a reganiadientes mirando de cabeza al piso movi mis huesos de la cama, busque mi ropa y vesti para salir a la universidad, oh gran marania... que diablos, el curso mas insulso que me ha podido tocar en este semestre pero que mas da, son 3 creditazos que me acercan un poco mas a mi meta (y dicho sea de paso, dificil no esta aprobarlo)... asi baje a la cocina, cogi el frasco de vidrio, verti el jugo de papaya, leche de soya en polvo y un huevo para completar ese batido que me he estado metiendo como desayuno desde que regrese... no me apetece mas los huevos fritos y los escalfados me toman un tiempo del cual ya no quiero disponer en ese fin... pedi a mi padre me llevara a ese lugar al que me gusta llamar "looniversidad" y para mi atonita sorpresa (ni tan sorpresa, digamos ya) proyectos de mantenimiento de lineas de agua o lo que sea bloquearon el trafico a escasos 500 m de mi meta... que demonios, de todos modos habia que llegar... baje del carro, entre y con impavida expresion note que ya la clase nada de interesante proyectaba... mismas actitud, mismas caras... misma contemplacion de borrego a medio morir frente al filo que corto su respiracion... dale, que son 150 minutos, vamos que eterno no es... eterno... no es...
Asi pasaron los minutos, a veces buscando el motivo de chanza para no caer en el suenio inoportuno de inicio de maniana en una posicion incomoda... sali... regrese a casa... despues de comer un par de largas horas sola con una monotonia que me llevo a cantar highway to hell y you shook me all night long justo antes de empezar a alistarme para el baby shower de la esposa de mi primo... a pesar que quedaba en el mismo distrito fue algo intrincado llegar, en medio de esa incertidumbre, un homenaje a Astor Piazzolla aligero mi animo que estaba cayendo en la pregunta "que diablos estoy haciendo aca?"... de golpe, la asociacion... el estilo de Piazzolla me encanta, entiendo que un portenio clasico le resulte un estilo irreverente, hasta heretico por las libertades que se toma con los sonidos, tiempos y toda ese tejido melodico que arma en cada linea... entonces recorde ambas versiones de "Por Una Cabeza" (aaaah... que cancion x un demonio!)... uno clasico, con toda la actitud de esos anios, austero pero sin olvidar ese adorno que solo un sentimiento en voz puede grabar en antiguos discos de carbon pero Piazzolla es un respiro, respetuoso y rebelde ante lo que la gente se afana por aferrar... ah... y la asociacion... tal vez el es esa version clasica de Por Una Cabeza, con Gardel en la voz, canonico, respetuoso, ordenado en la forma que plantea concentrado en una linea melodica... yo seria la version de Piazzolla, enredado podria interpretarse como loco pero prestando algo mas de atencion sin atarse a los canones se encontraria una cosa tan conocida pero usada d un modo algo distinto... asi por caminos separados, encontrados en un momento pero seria dificil ponerlos a los dos al mismo tiempo... su metrica, timbre, tiempo, melodias... comparten una esencia pero la tratan de forma distinta... que diria Gardel si viera a Piazzolla? que habria dicho Piazzolla de conocer a Gardel?... no lo se... nisiquiera tengo idea de la fecha de nacimiento de uno o la fecha de deceso del otro... el hecho es que... si uno se ata a canones... no podria disfrutar de la genialidad de ambas versiones... que seria... hoy no lo escribire...
Pensando en el baby shower... la idea del funeral de alguien... eventos como esos podrian dar la impresion de cual seria el futuro o que fue de la vida de uno... pero no siempre encontraremos a la misma gente en los mismos eventos... lo mas probable es que no sea asi... pero realmente importa? uno no esta el dia que lo esperan, ni el dia que lo lloran... no hay lista de invitados o condolencias que sirva... asi que simplemente vive sin ponerte a pensar en quienes te estuvieron esperando o quienes te iran a llorar... vive y deja morir... duerme... cuando estes muerto... gotta keep going!
Casi a reganiadientes mirando de cabeza al piso movi mis huesos de la cama, busque mi ropa y vesti para salir a la universidad, oh gran marania... que diablos, el curso mas insulso que me ha podido tocar en este semestre pero que mas da, son 3 creditazos que me acercan un poco mas a mi meta (y dicho sea de paso, dificil no esta aprobarlo)... asi baje a la cocina, cogi el frasco de vidrio, verti el jugo de papaya, leche de soya en polvo y un huevo para completar ese batido que me he estado metiendo como desayuno desde que regrese... no me apetece mas los huevos fritos y los escalfados me toman un tiempo del cual ya no quiero disponer en ese fin... pedi a mi padre me llevara a ese lugar al que me gusta llamar "looniversidad" y para mi atonita sorpresa (ni tan sorpresa, digamos ya) proyectos de mantenimiento de lineas de agua o lo que sea bloquearon el trafico a escasos 500 m de mi meta... que demonios, de todos modos habia que llegar... baje del carro, entre y con impavida expresion note que ya la clase nada de interesante proyectaba... mismas actitud, mismas caras... misma contemplacion de borrego a medio morir frente al filo que corto su respiracion... dale, que son 150 minutos, vamos que eterno no es... eterno... no es...
Asi pasaron los minutos, a veces buscando el motivo de chanza para no caer en el suenio inoportuno de inicio de maniana en una posicion incomoda... sali... regrese a casa... despues de comer un par de largas horas sola con una monotonia que me llevo a cantar highway to hell y you shook me all night long justo antes de empezar a alistarme para el baby shower de la esposa de mi primo... a pesar que quedaba en el mismo distrito fue algo intrincado llegar, en medio de esa incertidumbre, un homenaje a Astor Piazzolla aligero mi animo que estaba cayendo en la pregunta "que diablos estoy haciendo aca?"... de golpe, la asociacion... el estilo de Piazzolla me encanta, entiendo que un portenio clasico le resulte un estilo irreverente, hasta heretico por las libertades que se toma con los sonidos, tiempos y toda ese tejido melodico que arma en cada linea... entonces recorde ambas versiones de "Por Una Cabeza" (aaaah... que cancion x un demonio!)... uno clasico, con toda la actitud de esos anios, austero pero sin olvidar ese adorno que solo un sentimiento en voz puede grabar en antiguos discos de carbon pero Piazzolla es un respiro, respetuoso y rebelde ante lo que la gente se afana por aferrar... ah... y la asociacion... tal vez el es esa version clasica de Por Una Cabeza, con Gardel en la voz, canonico, respetuoso, ordenado en la forma que plantea concentrado en una linea melodica... yo seria la version de Piazzolla, enredado podria interpretarse como loco pero prestando algo mas de atencion sin atarse a los canones se encontraria una cosa tan conocida pero usada d un modo algo distinto... asi por caminos separados, encontrados en un momento pero seria dificil ponerlos a los dos al mismo tiempo... su metrica, timbre, tiempo, melodias... comparten una esencia pero la tratan de forma distinta... que diria Gardel si viera a Piazzolla? que habria dicho Piazzolla de conocer a Gardel?... no lo se... nisiquiera tengo idea de la fecha de nacimiento de uno o la fecha de deceso del otro... el hecho es que... si uno se ata a canones... no podria disfrutar de la genialidad de ambas versiones... que seria... hoy no lo escribire...
Pensando en el baby shower... la idea del funeral de alguien... eventos como esos podrian dar la impresion de cual seria el futuro o que fue de la vida de uno... pero no siempre encontraremos a la misma gente en los mismos eventos... lo mas probable es que no sea asi... pero realmente importa? uno no esta el dia que lo esperan, ni el dia que lo lloran... no hay lista de invitados o condolencias que sirva... asi que simplemente vive sin ponerte a pensar en quienes te estuvieron esperando o quienes te iran a llorar... vive y deja morir... duerme... cuando estes muerto... gotta keep going!
Friday, April 14, 2006
fighting the ghost
smooth songs on the air... my ghost is more awake than before... its glance, its look, its alluring presence with charming effects that shamelessly steals smiles from me (and i don't mind giving them again and again)... a ghost... will it ever have a face again?... in silence i hope... in silence left the last face behind... but it fitted so well that i just can't stop reminding myself about it...
my head lies over its lap, i recall a soft caress while i close my eyes... for a second i don't want to open my eyes and face the fact that its just the ghost again, that there's no one else but me... months have passed, and i've chosen to keep that ghost with the sweet ideal that at least once there was someone who fitted almost to perfection into that specter without meaning it, just by being... so... it could happen again... then... i wake up... i walk to the door... and leave the ghost behind... until it finds me again... to remind me that the dream isn't over, the dream was real for a few days and it's eager to be real again... to never lose that "foolish" hope... to smile n keep going!
Thursday, April 13, 2006
going back to the basics
as easy as it sounds... after a weird dream, one of those you think were for real but had too many odd details that makes easy to wake up and realise that none of that was true, and a very very nice bulletin about nice guys... i feel like i'd better go back to the basics... past is gone, today i must work, relax and enjoy... it's funny when i started to listen the last playlist i made and the first song was "learning to fly"... waking up in a day in which I'm supposed to go to school but I won't, we're not having classes due to a religious holiday and it'll be until the next monday... loooong weekend
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
Happy!!!!
"There's always a choice, they might not be easy to acomplish but you'll always have the tools to make it work"... politically these days have been awful on this side of the world, school has been boring and a quick review could say "there are not many reasons to smile".... but a friend told me once "smile, always, regardless of what's around", so that's how i learned to smile from the bottom of my heart 'cos I know there was always a reason to do it, just to start, I'm awake and alive... so recalling that I kept myself in a good mood... and today this friend who taught me that sent me an email with great news... I'm so happy for her, I really do. Even when she's quite far from here I hope she has a great time all this period before I'm back. If you see Gigi, tell her I'm very happy for her! :D
Sunday, April 09, 2006
Last survey... in a veeery long time
(stolen from Chris)
001) What time did you start this? 16:17
002) Name?: Greta Marianne Correa Llanos
003) Date of birth?: 04/27/80
004) Sex?: Female
005) Height?: 5'4"
006) Eye color?: Brown
007) Weight?: 125
008) Location?: Lima, PE
009) Where were you born?: Cobriza (but my pappers says it's Lima)
012) Do you have crush on someone?: No
013) Do you have a bf/gf?: No and as long as there's no one special... LONG LIFE TO THE SINGLE LIFE!
015) How long have you been together? -
016) What are you wearing right now?: underwear!, tshirt, sport pants, sneakers
017) Would you have sex before marriage?: Yes
018) Have you ever had a crush on any of your teachers? No
019) Are you a virgin?: No
020) Do you smoke? No
021) Do you drink?: Socially
022) Are you ghetto?: No
023) Are you a player?: No
024) What are your favorite colors?: Don't have favorites
025) What is your favorite animal?: None, I like'em all
026) Do you have any birthmarks?: No
027) Have you ever gotten your ass kicked?: No
028) Who are your best friends?: Hard to pick, all of them are awesome
029) Have you ever beat someone up? No
031) Have you ever been slapped?: No
032) Do you get online a lot?: Yes
033) Are you shy or outgoing?: Outgoing, if I feel it won't make the other person uncomfortable.
034) Do you shower?: Daily
035) Do you hate school?: No
036) Do you have a social life?: In theory
037) How easily do you trust people? On a 0-10 scale... 8.
038) Have you ever lied to your best friends?: Yes
039) Do you have a secret people would be surprised knowing? Don't think so
040) Would you ever sky dive?: Of course!
041) Do you like to dance?: Yes
068) Have you ever been out of state?: Yes
069) Do you like to travel?: Yes
071) Have you ever been suspended from school?: No, just skipped it
071) Do you want to get out of your hometown?: Yes
072) Are you spoiled?: No
073) Are you a brat?: No
074) Have you ever been dumped?: No
076) What's your favorite drink?: Non alcoholic: Green tea with honey, Alcoholic: I'm between Grasshopper and Gin&Tonic
077) Do you like Snapple?: No
078) Do you drink a lot of water?: Yes
079) What toothpaste do you use?: Colgate for now
080) Do you have a cell phone or pager?: Cell
081) Do you have a curfew?: No
082) Who do you look up to?: Nobody
083) Are you a role model?: Don't think so
085) What name brand do you wear the most?: I haven't paid attention to that
087) What do you have pierced?: Ears
089) Do you like taking pictures?: Yes
090) Do you like getting your picture taken?: It's not something i look for but i don't feel uncomfortable about it
091) Do you have a tan?: All year long
092) Do you get annoyed easily?: I'm very patient but don't look to know what's beyond 'cos I won't regret, not even say I'm sorry
093) Have you ever started a rumor?: No
094) Do you have your own phone/phone line?: My cell
095) Do you have your own pool?: No
096) Do you have any siblings?: 2 brothers
097) Do you prefer boxers or briefs?: -
098) Have you ever been played?: May be
099) Have you ever played someone?: No
100) Do you get along with your parents?: Yes
102) How do you vent your anger?: I focus on finding the solution
103) Have you ever run away?: No
104) Have you ever been fired from a job?: No
105) Do you even have a job?: No
106) Do you daydream a lot?: When I'm bored at class, coming back from school at the bus, in my room... so pretty often
107) Do you have a lot of ex's?: No
108) Do you run your mouth?: ??
109) What do you want a tattoo of?: Nothing
110) What do you have a tattoo of?: A small point on my left hand (accident with a technical pen)
111) What are your favorite flowers?: Don't have a favorite
112) What does your ex bf/gf look like?: Hard to tell
113) What does your most recent crush look like?: A dream
114) Have you ever been bitched out?: Yes
115) When was the last time you bitched someone out?: Looong time ago, I don't remember
116) Are you rude?: If it's needed
117) What was the last compliment you received?: "You're a great friend!"
118) Do you like getting dirty?: It's not something I look forward to but if my bf would like it, why not?
119) Is your bellybutton an innie or outie?: innie
120) Are you flexible?: Yes
121) What is your heritage?: Peruvian
123) What does your hair look like right now?: Dark brown, long, between wavy and curly
124) Could you ever be a vegetarian?: I've tried but I couldn't... MEAT IS GOOD!
125) When was your last real heartbreak?: A while ago i realised that nobody can break someone's heart, so... it's never been broken
126) Describe your looks?: Casual... veeeery casual
127) If you had to completely dye your hair it'd be what color:? why should I dye it?
128) Would you ever date someone younger than you?: I've done it but they weren't too young
129) Would you ever date someone older than you?: Why not?
130) When was the last time you were drunk?: SR, 1st wednesday of the year
131) When was the last time you went on a date?: Define date
132) Would you rather give or receive oral sex?: Both
133) Have you ever given? Yes
134) Have you ever received? Yes
135) Have you ever had an eating disorder?: No
136) Do you have one now?: No
137) How many rings until you answer the phone?: As many it's needed to be heard
138) Have you ever been skinny dipping?: No
140) Do you look more like your mother or father?: Both
141) Do you cry a lot?: No
142) Do you ever cry to get your way? No
143) If you had to amputate one limb, what would it be?: ARE YOU NUTS??? My appendix has been taken by now!
144) What phrase do you use most on the phone?: Hola
145) Are you the romantic type?: if I'm called I could give a lecture about Love Fool-osophy and how to live without losing hope about love
146) Have you ever been chased by cops?: No
147) What do you like most about your body?: My brain
148) What do you like least about your body?: None
150) When was the last time you threw up?: 1st wednesday of the year
151) In the opposite sex, do you prefer blondes or brunettes? Don't have a favorite
152) What do the shoes you last wore look like?: Beige boots, high heels
153) Do you ever wear shirts to show your belly?: Yes
154) What about cleavage?: Boys will enjoy them as long as they can
155) Is your best friend a virgin?: Can't tell
158) What color are your underwear right now?: Gray
159) What theme does your room have?: "I sleep here"
160) What size shoe do you wear?: 6 1/2
161) What jewelry are you wearing now?: None
162) What is your screen name on .. imp4e3
163) Would you pick a wedgie in public?: No
164) How are you feeling right now?: Relaxed
165) When was the last time you were at a party?: Hell, 3 weeks, too long
166) Have you ever given a lap dance?: No
167) What do you sleep in?: My bed
168) Has there ever been a rumor spread about you?: A couple
169) What is one of your bad qualities?: Excess of self-indulgence
170) What is one of your good qualities? Sincerity
171) Would you marry for money?: No
172) What do you drive?: My life
173) Are you more of a mama or daddy's child?: Neither
174) When was the last time you cried in school?: On 1993
175) Do you wear Chucks?: eh??
176) What time are you finishing this?: 17:36 (shouldn't be checking other things)
002) Name?: Greta Marianne Correa Llanos
003) Date of birth?: 04/27/80
004) Sex?: Female
005) Height?: 5'4"
006) Eye color?: Brown
007) Weight?: 125
008) Location?: Lima, PE
009) Where were you born?: Cobriza (but my pappers says it's Lima)
012) Do you have crush on someone?: No
013) Do you have a bf/gf?: No and as long as there's no one special... LONG LIFE TO THE SINGLE LIFE!
015) How long have you been together? -
016) What are you wearing right now?: underwear!, tshirt, sport pants, sneakers
017) Would you have sex before marriage?: Yes
018) Have you ever had a crush on any of your teachers? No
019) Are you a virgin?: No
020) Do you smoke? No
021) Do you drink?: Socially
022) Are you ghetto?: No
023) Are you a player?: No
024) What are your favorite colors?: Don't have favorites
025) What is your favorite animal?: None, I like'em all
026) Do you have any birthmarks?: No
027) Have you ever gotten your ass kicked?: No
028) Who are your best friends?: Hard to pick, all of them are awesome
029) Have you ever beat someone up? No
031) Have you ever been slapped?: No
032) Do you get online a lot?: Yes
033) Are you shy or outgoing?: Outgoing, if I feel it won't make the other person uncomfortable.
034) Do you shower?: Daily
035) Do you hate school?: No
036) Do you have a social life?: In theory
037) How easily do you trust people? On a 0-10 scale... 8.
038) Have you ever lied to your best friends?: Yes
039) Do you have a secret people would be surprised knowing? Don't think so
040) Would you ever sky dive?: Of course!
041) Do you like to dance?: Yes
068) Have you ever been out of state?: Yes
069) Do you like to travel?: Yes
071) Have you ever been suspended from school?: No, just skipped it
071) Do you want to get out of your hometown?: Yes
072) Are you spoiled?: No
073) Are you a brat?: No
074) Have you ever been dumped?: No
076) What's your favorite drink?: Non alcoholic: Green tea with honey, Alcoholic: I'm between Grasshopper and Gin&Tonic
077) Do you like Snapple?: No
078) Do you drink a lot of water?: Yes
079) What toothpaste do you use?: Colgate for now
080) Do you have a cell phone or pager?: Cell
081) Do you have a curfew?: No
082) Who do you look up to?: Nobody
083) Are you a role model?: Don't think so
085) What name brand do you wear the most?: I haven't paid attention to that
087) What do you have pierced?: Ears
089) Do you like taking pictures?: Yes
090) Do you like getting your picture taken?: It's not something i look for but i don't feel uncomfortable about it
091) Do you have a tan?: All year long
092) Do you get annoyed easily?: I'm very patient but don't look to know what's beyond 'cos I won't regret, not even say I'm sorry
093) Have you ever started a rumor?: No
094) Do you have your own phone/phone line?: My cell
095) Do you have your own pool?: No
096) Do you have any siblings?: 2 brothers
097) Do you prefer boxers or briefs?: -
098) Have you ever been played?: May be
099) Have you ever played someone?: No
100) Do you get along with your parents?: Yes
102) How do you vent your anger?: I focus on finding the solution
103) Have you ever run away?: No
104) Have you ever been fired from a job?: No
105) Do you even have a job?: No
106) Do you daydream a lot?: When I'm bored at class, coming back from school at the bus, in my room... so pretty often
107) Do you have a lot of ex's?: No
108) Do you run your mouth?: ??
109) What do you want a tattoo of?: Nothing
110) What do you have a tattoo of?: A small point on my left hand (accident with a technical pen)
111) What are your favorite flowers?: Don't have a favorite
112) What does your ex bf/gf look like?: Hard to tell
113) What does your most recent crush look like?: A dream
114) Have you ever been bitched out?: Yes
115) When was the last time you bitched someone out?: Looong time ago, I don't remember
116) Are you rude?: If it's needed
117) What was the last compliment you received?: "You're a great friend!"
118) Do you like getting dirty?: It's not something I look forward to but if my bf would like it, why not?
119) Is your bellybutton an innie or outie?: innie
120) Are you flexible?: Yes
121) What is your heritage?: Peruvian
123) What does your hair look like right now?: Dark brown, long, between wavy and curly
124) Could you ever be a vegetarian?: I've tried but I couldn't... MEAT IS GOOD!
125) When was your last real heartbreak?: A while ago i realised that nobody can break someone's heart, so... it's never been broken
126) Describe your looks?: Casual... veeeery casual
127) If you had to completely dye your hair it'd be what color:? why should I dye it?
128) Would you ever date someone younger than you?: I've done it but they weren't too young
129) Would you ever date someone older than you?: Why not?
130) When was the last time you were drunk?: SR, 1st wednesday of the year
131) When was the last time you went on a date?: Define date
132) Would you rather give or receive oral sex?: Both
133) Have you ever given? Yes
134) Have you ever received? Yes
135) Have you ever had an eating disorder?: No
136) Do you have one now?: No
137) How many rings until you answer the phone?: As many it's needed to be heard
138) Have you ever been skinny dipping?: No
140) Do you look more like your mother or father?: Both
141) Do you cry a lot?: No
142) Do you ever cry to get your way? No
143) If you had to amputate one limb, what would it be?: ARE YOU NUTS??? My appendix has been taken by now!
144) What phrase do you use most on the phone?: Hola
145) Are you the romantic type?: if I'm called I could give a lecture about Love Fool-osophy and how to live without losing hope about love
146) Have you ever been chased by cops?: No
147) What do you like most about your body?: My brain
148) What do you like least about your body?: None
150) When was the last time you threw up?: 1st wednesday of the year
151) In the opposite sex, do you prefer blondes or brunettes? Don't have a favorite
152) What do the shoes you last wore look like?: Beige boots, high heels
153) Do you ever wear shirts to show your belly?: Yes
154) What about cleavage?: Boys will enjoy them as long as they can
155) Is your best friend a virgin?: Can't tell
158) What color are your underwear right now?: Gray
159) What theme does your room have?: "I sleep here"
160) What size shoe do you wear?: 6 1/2
161) What jewelry are you wearing now?: None
162) What is your screen name on .. imp4e3
163) Would you pick a wedgie in public?: No
164) How are you feeling right now?: Relaxed
165) When was the last time you were at a party?: Hell, 3 weeks, too long
166) Have you ever given a lap dance?: No
167) What do you sleep in?: My bed
168) Has there ever been a rumor spread about you?: A couple
169) What is one of your bad qualities?: Excess of self-indulgence
170) What is one of your good qualities? Sincerity
171) Would you marry for money?: No
172) What do you drive?: My life
173) Are you more of a mama or daddy's child?: Neither
174) When was the last time you cried in school?: On 1993
175) Do you wear Chucks?: eh??
176) What time are you finishing this?: 17:36 (shouldn't be checking other things)
Survey Time!
You Are a Friendly Flirt!
You are quite the flirt, but you don't flirt with just anyone.And you hardly ever get caught, because your flirting seems so friendly. You've got a good thing going. Tons of friends, both guys and girls. And if you do decide to flirt, hardly anyone's the wiser. Pretty trick!
You Are 24% Evil
A bit of evil lurks in your heart, but you hide it well.
In some ways, you are the most dangerous kind of evil.
You Are 27 Years Old
20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.
You and your ex are just friends - great friends really.
(At least that's what you keep telling yourself!)
While civility is a good thing, make sure you're not secretly wanting more...
You are quite the flirt, but you don't flirt with just anyone.And you hardly ever get caught, because your flirting seems so friendly. You've got a good thing going. Tons of friends, both guys and girls. And if you do decide to flirt, hardly anyone's the wiser. Pretty trick!
You Are 24% Evil
A bit of evil lurks in your heart, but you hide it well.
In some ways, you are the most dangerous kind of evil.
You Are 27 Years Old
20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.
You and your ex are just friends - great friends really.
(At least that's what you keep telling yourself!)
While civility is a good thing, make sure you're not secretly wanting more...
You Are a Dreaming Soul
Your vivid emotions and imagination takes you away from this world
So much so that you tend to live in your head most of the time
You have great dreams and ambitions that could be the envy of all...
But for you, following through with your dreams is a bit difficult
You are charming, endearing, and people tend to love you.
Forgiving and tolerant, you see the world through rose colored glasses.
Underneath it all, you have a ton of passion that you hide from others.
Always hopeful, you tend to expect positive outcomes in your life.
Your vivid emotions and imagination takes you away from this world
So much so that you tend to live in your head most of the time
You have great dreams and ambitions that could be the envy of all...
But for you, following through with your dreams is a bit difficult
You are charming, endearing, and people tend to love you.
Forgiving and tolerant, you see the world through rose colored glasses.
Underneath it all, you have a ton of passion that you hide from others.
Always hopeful, you tend to expect positive outcomes in your life.
You Are 12% Abnormal
You are at medium risk for being a psychopath. It is somewhat likely that you have no soul.
You are at low risk for having a borderline personality. It is unlikely that you are a chaotic mess.
You are at low risk for having a narcissistic personality. It is unlikely that you are in love with your own reflection.
You are at low risk for having a social phobia. It is unlikely that you feel most comfortable in your mom's basement.
You are at low risk for obsessive compulsive disorder. It is unlikely that you are addicted to hand sanitizer.
You Are 22% Selfish
In general, you are a very giving person who treats others very well.
But at times, you insist on getting your way - when it matters most to you.
You are at medium risk for being a psychopath. It is somewhat likely that you have no soul.
You are at low risk for having a borderline personality. It is unlikely that you are a chaotic mess.
You are at low risk for having a narcissistic personality. It is unlikely that you are in love with your own reflection.
You are at low risk for having a social phobia. It is unlikely that you feel most comfortable in your mom's basement.
You are at low risk for obsessive compulsive disorder. It is unlikely that you are addicted to hand sanitizer.
You Are 22% Selfish
In general, you are a very giving person who treats others very well.
But at times, you insist on getting your way - when it matters most to you.
Your Theme Song is Beautiful Day by U2
"Sky falls, you feel like
It's a beautiful day
Don't let it get away"
You see the beauty in life, especially in ordinary everyday moments.
And if you're feeling down, even that seems a little beautiful too.
"Sky falls, you feel like
It's a beautiful day
Don't let it get away"
You see the beauty in life, especially in ordinary everyday moments.
And if you're feeling down, even that seems a little beautiful too.
Your Quirk Factor: 74% Strong
You're so quirky, it's hard for you to tell the difference between quirky and normal.
No doubt about it, there's little about you that's "normal" or "average."
Your Luck Quotient: 83%
You have an extremely high luck quotient.
Not only do you consider yourself lucky, probably everyone you know does too.
But you're smart enough to know that you've mostly made your own luck.
By being positive, open, and flexible, a lot of luck has come your way!
Your Seduction Style: The Charmer
You're a master at intimate conversation and verbal enticement.
You seduce with words, by getting people to open up to you.
By establishing this deep connection quickly, people feel under your power.
And then you've got them exactly where you want them!
You Are Rain
You can be warm and sexy. Or cold and unwelcoming.
Either way, you slowly bring out the beauty around you.
You are best known for: your touch
Your dominant state: changing
You Have a Choleric Temperament
You are a person of great enthusiasm - easily excited by many things.
Unsatisfied by the ordinary, you are reaching for an epic, extraordinary life.
You want the best. The best life. The best love. The best reputation.
You posses a sharp and keen intellect. Your mind is your primary weapon.
Strong willed, nothing can keep you down. Your energy can break down any wall.
You're an instantly passionate person - and this passion gives you an intoxicating power over others.
At your worst, you are a narcissist. Full of yourself and even proud of your faults.
Stubborn and opinionated, you know what you think is right. End of discussion.
A bit of a misanthrope, you often see others as weak, ignorant, and inferior.
You're so quirky, it's hard for you to tell the difference between quirky and normal.
No doubt about it, there's little about you that's "normal" or "average."
Your Luck Quotient: 83%
You have an extremely high luck quotient.
Not only do you consider yourself lucky, probably everyone you know does too.
But you're smart enough to know that you've mostly made your own luck.
By being positive, open, and flexible, a lot of luck has come your way!
Your Seduction Style: The Charmer
You're a master at intimate conversation and verbal enticement.
You seduce with words, by getting people to open up to you.
By establishing this deep connection quickly, people feel under your power.
And then you've got them exactly where you want them!
You Are Rain
You can be warm and sexy. Or cold and unwelcoming.
Either way, you slowly bring out the beauty around you.
You are best known for: your touch
Your dominant state: changing
You Have a Choleric Temperament
You are a person of great enthusiasm - easily excited by many things.
Unsatisfied by the ordinary, you are reaching for an epic, extraordinary life.
You want the best. The best life. The best love. The best reputation.
You posses a sharp and keen intellect. Your mind is your primary weapon.
Strong willed, nothing can keep you down. Your energy can break down any wall.
You're an instantly passionate person - and this passion gives you an intoxicating power over others.
At your worst, you are a narcissist. Full of yourself and even proud of your faults.
Stubborn and opinionated, you know what you think is right. End of discussion.
A bit of a misanthrope, you often see others as weak, ignorant, and inferior.
You Are Internal - Realist - Powerful
You feel your life is controlled internally.
If you want something, you make it happen.
You don't wait around for things to go your way.
You value your independence and don't like others to have control.
You are a realist when it comes to luck.
You don't attribute everything to luck, but you do know some things are random.
You don't beat yourself up when bad things happen to you...
But you do your best to try to make your own luck.
When it comes to who's in charge, it's you.
Life is a kingdom, and you're the grand ruler.
You don't care much about what others think.
But they better care what you think!
You feel your life is controlled internally.
If you want something, you make it happen.
You don't wait around for things to go your way.
You value your independence and don't like others to have control.
You are a realist when it comes to luck.
You don't attribute everything to luck, but you do know some things are random.
You don't beat yourself up when bad things happen to you...
But you do your best to try to make your own luck.
When it comes to who's in charge, it's you.
Life is a kingdom, and you're the grand ruler.
You don't care much about what others think.
But they better care what you think!
Your Personality Is Rational (NT)
You are both logical and creative. You are full of ideas.
You are so rational that you analyze everything. This drives people a little crazy!
Intelligence is important to you. You always like to be around smart people.
In fact, you're often a little short with people who don't impress you mentally.
You seem distant to some - but it's usually because you're deep in thought.
Those who understand you best are fellow Rationals.
In love, you tend to approach things with logic. You seek a compatible mate - who is also very intelligent.
At work, you tend to gravitate toward idea building careers - like programming, medicine, or academia.
With others, you are very honest and direct. People often can't take your criticism well.
As far as your looks go, you're coasting on what you were born with. You think fashion is silly.
On weekends, you spend most of your time thinking, experimenting with new ideas, or learning new things.
You are both logical and creative. You are full of ideas.
You are so rational that you analyze everything. This drives people a little crazy!
Intelligence is important to you. You always like to be around smart people.
In fact, you're often a little short with people who don't impress you mentally.
You seem distant to some - but it's usually because you're deep in thought.
Those who understand you best are fellow Rationals.
In love, you tend to approach things with logic. You seek a compatible mate - who is also very intelligent.
At work, you tend to gravitate toward idea building careers - like programming, medicine, or academia.
With others, you are very honest and direct. People often can't take your criticism well.
As far as your looks go, you're coasting on what you were born with. You think fashion is silly.
On weekends, you spend most of your time thinking, experimenting with new ideas, or learning new things.
Your Seduction Style: Au Natural
You rank up there with your seduction skills, though you might not know it.
That's because you're a natural at seduction. You don't realize your power!
The root of your natural seduction power: your innocence and optimism.
You're the type of person who happily plays around and creates a unique little world.
Little do you know that your personal paradise is so appealing that it sucks people in.
You find joy in everything - so is it any surprise that people find joy in you?
You bring back the inner child in everyone you meet with your sincere and spontaneous ways.
Your childlike (but not childish) behavior also inspires others to care for you.
As a result, those who you befriend and date tend to be incredibly loyal to you.
You rank up there with your seduction skills, though you might not know it.
That's because you're a natural at seduction. You don't realize your power!
The root of your natural seduction power: your innocence and optimism.
You're the type of person who happily plays around and creates a unique little world.
Little do you know that your personal paradise is so appealing that it sucks people in.
You find joy in everything - so is it any surprise that people find joy in you?
You bring back the inner child in everyone you meet with your sincere and spontaneous ways.
Your childlike (but not childish) behavior also inspires others to care for you.
As a result, those who you befriend and date tend to be incredibly loyal to you.
You Are 70% Boyish and 30% Girlish
You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch.
Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes.
You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them.
You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.
You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch.
Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes.
You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them.
You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.
You Are Somewhat Machiavellian
You're not going to mow over everyone to get ahead...
But you're also powerful enough to make things happen for yourself.
You understand how the world works, even when it's an ugly place.
You just don't get ugly yourself - unless you have to!
You're not going to mow over everyone to get ahead...
But you're also powerful enough to make things happen for yourself.
You understand how the world works, even when it's an ugly place.
You just don't get ugly yourself - unless you have to!
The Keys to Your Heart
You are attracted to good manners and elegance.
In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.
You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.
You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance.
Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.
Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.
You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage.
In this moment, you think of love as something you can get or discard anytime. You're feeling self centered.
Your Personality Profile
You are dependable, popular, and observant.
Deep and thoughtful, you are prone to moodiness.
In fact, your emotions tend to influence everything you do.
You are unique, creative, and expressive.
You don't mind waving your freak flag every once and a while.
And lucky for you, most people find your weird ways charming!
You are attracted to good manners and elegance.
In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.
You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.
You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance.
Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.
Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.
You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage.
In this moment, you think of love as something you can get or discard anytime. You're feeling self centered.
Your Personality Profile
You are dependable, popular, and observant.
Deep and thoughtful, you are prone to moodiness.
In fact, your emotions tend to influence everything you do.
You are unique, creative, and expressive.
You don't mind waving your freak flag every once and a while.
And lucky for you, most people find your weird ways charming!
You May Be a Bit Schizotypal ...
A bit odd and socially isolated.
You couldn't care less of what others think.
And some of your beliefs are a little weird.
Like that time you thought you were Jesus.
You Are A Realistic Romantic
You are more romantic than 60% the population.
It's easy for you to get swept away by romance...
But you've done a pretty good job keeping perspective.
You're still taken in by love poems and sunsets
You just don't fall for every dreamy pick up line!
A bit odd and socially isolated.
You couldn't care less of what others think.
And some of your beliefs are a little weird.
Like that time you thought you were Jesus.
You Are A Realistic Romantic
You are more romantic than 60% the population.
It's easy for you to get swept away by romance...
But you've done a pretty good job keeping perspective.
You're still taken in by love poems and sunsets
You just don't fall for every dreamy pick up line!
Your Brain is 60% Female, 40% Male
Your brain is a healthy mix of male and female
You are both sensitive and savvy
Rational and reasonable, you tend to keep level headed
But you also tend to wear your heart on your sleeve
Your brain is a healthy mix of male and female
You are both sensitive and savvy
Rational and reasonable, you tend to keep level headed
But you also tend to wear your heart on your sleeve
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
server connection has failed
written the last night... boondock saints soundtrack in the air
strange feeling, i've got nothing to do with this kind of music but i still like it a lot, the feeling of freedom, loneliness, uncertainty and good will to fight for those things that are good in this world mixed in a single second... without turning back to see my relatives who might be crying for seeing me walking away to some place where i'll be a strange regardless of the first friends i've made there or those i'll make...
adventure, am i old for this? i can't tell, but this is starting for me
a little tear might try to shed from my eyes... i might hold my breath with every step that takes me away from this place that i called home for a very, very long time, my whole life.. but what can you do when you can't find yourself growing more in the same place? what can you do but moving somewhere else and place your new roots there if it's needed to? travelers, aren't we all?
adventure, am i old for this? i can't tell, but this is starting for me
a little tear might try to shed from my eyes... i might hold my breath with every step that takes me away from this place that i called home for a very, very long time, my whole life.. but what can you do when you can't find yourself growing more in the same place? what can you do but moving somewhere else and place your new roots there if it's needed to? travelers, aren't we all?
that's how this started once... someone looking for a different place, better in some ways, worse in others, but different at the end... an alien
wind blowing, it hits my face but i still can keep my eyes open to see my path, it's pushing me back, wind's always been my friend, may be it's trying to keep me away from trouble by keeping me at home "trouble will be everywhere, my dear, please don't interfere, with or without you against my way i'll keep going on 'cos it's what i've decided, just like the day i decided we could be friends in this strange way we are, thank you for taking care of me, thank you a lot"... it's still hitting my face but it doesn't cut, it doesn't push me back anymore, it understood... wind let me go
moving my feet fast, as quick as i never did before, i have no time to lose today, so i'll better run... mountains everywhere, it's been a while since the last time i saw the sunset over the sea, that smell of salt on the air, those reds and oranges dying until they become blue, deep blue and dark, black by night with no many stars to teach me where to look, but the moon, always present even "behind" the clouds that always rule the sky of the place i called home... cloudy, humid, cloudy like a thin gray veil placed all over the city, jealousy of letting another meteor to show its beauty before it, or maybe just protecting us from those deadly uv rays and giving our sea more life with its influence, don't know... it's been a while since i saw it for the last time.
there's no time to look back, i can't allow myself regreting this, i can't allow myself to miss someone or something, i knew i'd be traveling a lot, i knew i'd be leaving everything behind. Will someone remember me when i'm gone? now i can't tell either since i'm not there to ask them and find the truth. does it really matters? i don't think so, i did what i had and felt each time i could, i gave everything i thought should be given and i don't want anything back for it was granted sincerily, but if i was fooled? i'm a happy fool or may be i was keen enough to keep the role even when i noticed the trick behind, and didn't i exposed them? 'cos i thought it would break the chance of both of us to take the best of each one and make it even better, the chance to grow up... yes, i'm a fool, a happy foolish monkey, trickery and smiley girl who runs and jumps and laughs 'cos there's always a reason for it, i'm the fool who will be happy to play that role 'cos my deal is to do not ever being noticed, 'cos sometimes i find that it's better to pretend to be the apprenctice to be wise who plays the fool to learn more, have i learned something with it? well, it seems i've done, and since it's been working all this time, i'll keep doing it.
i have to chase my kite, i have to chase my wings, i have to chase all those things i thought were lost forever but, what a fool i was!, they were always with me... 'cos i could never lose myself, even when i felt like i was somewhere else... i'll never be alone as long as i'm true to myself...
