Wednesday, May 31, 2006
.
with my eyes wide open... looking at the long distance to the ground right under my feet, skydiving... skydive, i'll try, i'll do... no fear nor a cry for justice, there's justice after all... whether we understand it or not
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
escarbando-encontrando-limpiando-avanzando
fácil no lo notaste (espero que no lo hayas hecho) pero aun recuerdo cuando barajaba la idea de qué hubiera sido estar contigo y, zas!, tu ya habías empezado con alguien mas... amen y gracias... algo entre nos podría haber resultado desastroso! lo sé pues sé que tan fregada estaba en esos dias (oooh, esos días)... es curioso pero admito que hasta hoy me pregunto, y que le ve? por todos los cielos, debe ser un amor de gente pues hasta la fecha, no encuentro algo extraordinario, amen que apenas la conozco... en fin... no soy quien para dar cátedras sobre el amor.
entre sonrisas y bromas ya quedó en evidencia que de algún modo, discordante para la lógica con la que suelo descifrarme, me atraes algo, no para perder el sentido pero sí para voltear la mirada con una sonrisa... en fin, lo dicho y hecho dejaron todo en claro, o al menos gran parte... o tal vez lo confundieron mas... en fin... el hecho es que ninguno de los dos tiene aun la duda de "que sería si..."... mas bien podrían haber nacido otros cuestionamientos pero en lo que a mi respecta, es asunto finito.
es así que la tesis de "un clavo saca otro clavo" parece haber sido aplicada pero hay detalles que demuestran lo contrario... ningun clavo fue sacado pues no había nada clavado, sólo recuerdos tormentosos... no se clavó un nuevo elemento, fue algo como quitarse los "que sería si..." lo que dio pie a desahogarse más y poder respirar con mayor tranquilidad en esa área... es así que ahora puedo decir con total soltura, sin esperanzas ni decepciones, sólo como quien empieza un nuevo día... que genial es vivir la vida de soltería!!!!
LONG LIFE TO THE SINGLE LIFE!!!
entre sonrisas y bromas ya quedó en evidencia que de algún modo, discordante para la lógica con la que suelo descifrarme, me atraes algo, no para perder el sentido pero sí para voltear la mirada con una sonrisa... en fin, lo dicho y hecho dejaron todo en claro, o al menos gran parte... o tal vez lo confundieron mas... en fin... el hecho es que ninguno de los dos tiene aun la duda de "que sería si..."... mas bien podrían haber nacido otros cuestionamientos pero en lo que a mi respecta, es asunto finito.
es así que la tesis de "un clavo saca otro clavo" parece haber sido aplicada pero hay detalles que demuestran lo contrario... ningun clavo fue sacado pues no había nada clavado, sólo recuerdos tormentosos... no se clavó un nuevo elemento, fue algo como quitarse los "que sería si..." lo que dio pie a desahogarse más y poder respirar con mayor tranquilidad en esa área... es así que ahora puedo decir con total soltura, sin esperanzas ni decepciones, sólo como quien empieza un nuevo día... que genial es vivir la vida de soltería!!!!
LONG LIFE TO THE SINGLE LIFE!!!
Sunday, May 28, 2006
Canonical Disaster
oooh... i just need to end all this... at least i found the way to get some ideas out of my mind (Thanx Cesar!)... either way... this is my own fight my own project... as usual.. all alone.. on my own... who cares? i do, hell i do...
anyway... i guess i'll be back to the living world after thrusday, it's the deadline for this strange project (there are only 3 left after that)... bye... read you or see you soon :D, like i use to say to my friends around here, may the force be with you..
anyway... i guess i'll be back to the living world after thrusday, it's the deadline for this strange project (there are only 3 left after that)... bye... read you or see you soon :D, like i use to say to my friends around here, may the force be with you..
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
dejame aprender (lo aprendido)
efectos de canciones, eventos del día que me recuerdan... lo que contigo aprendí..
que estar colmado nunca es demasiado cuando se trata de cariño
que estar perdido en tus ojos no era estar perdido
que dejarme sin aliento y sostener la respiración en cada segundo tan sólo por oirte hablar no era morir... era tratar de contener lo incontenible... era sólo estar contigo
que a pesar que el tiempo nos pase factura y el cuerpo demande descanso, nunca es tarde ni nunca se está demasiado cansado para seguir contigo... dormir... sólo cuando todo lo hayamos dicho y hecho
y así te recuerdo... entre encontrado y perdido, entre perfecto y esquivo, sólo como esas cosas que suceden una vez...
slide between my fingers, fade behind the air... and call that name (in silence)
el reloj marcó su tiempo y todo tuvo que perecer... viajar a esas tierras donde siempre se mantendrá vivaz, enérgico, inacabable y sorpresivo... pero no más aquí... así nos marchamos, así viajamos... detener el tiempo? pedir demasiado a los dioses que también sucumben ante su omnipotencia... ah... pequeños elementos residuales de todo este gran espectáculo de energía en el que estamos metido... mi vida continúa... los cielos no reclaman tu ausencia... las lágrimas se han secado... los ríos no se detendrán... levantaré mi mano... y tu, tal vez, tal vez... oh vaya... era tan sólo un recuerdo... otra vez
aunque... si un día la curiosidad te gana... pregúntale a quien quieras, lo que ha sido para esta cómica contar esa historia mirando al vacío buscando tus ojos en algún lugar sabiendo que distante estás
hay mucho que quisiera haber podido darte pero ya no lo tenía... es una de esas cosas que se van entregando en el camino y que después de haber aprendido te das cuenta que el precio pagado fue demasiado alto... y no hay lugar a devoluciones... no en esta vida... esto es lo que va quedando, sobre lo que me voy armando, con unas pequeñas marcas, recuerdo de lo que una vez se entregó, creciendo con más características de las que antes ni había tomado en consideración... pero no puedo evitar cuestionarme... el hecho que conociendome... habría sido posible crecer al mismo grado sin tener que haber pagado "ese" precio?... así me miro al espejo, pretendiendo que es a tí a quien miro a los ojos... y me pregunto si aun me tendrías aprecio al saber esas cosas... yo lo dudo... a mi misma me tomó buen tiempo aceptar tanta estupidez junta en una sola persona (siendo esa persona yo misma) pero q diablos... la vida continúa... y ya no puedo quedarme en lamentaciones... sólo que en el fondo, sé que sería genial seguir este viaje con alguien como tú...
que estar colmado nunca es demasiado cuando se trata de cariño
que estar perdido en tus ojos no era estar perdido
que dejarme sin aliento y sostener la respiración en cada segundo tan sólo por oirte hablar no era morir... era tratar de contener lo incontenible... era sólo estar contigo
que a pesar que el tiempo nos pase factura y el cuerpo demande descanso, nunca es tarde ni nunca se está demasiado cansado para seguir contigo... dormir... sólo cuando todo lo hayamos dicho y hecho
y así te recuerdo... entre encontrado y perdido, entre perfecto y esquivo, sólo como esas cosas que suceden una vez...
slide between my fingers, fade behind the air... and call that name (in silence)
el reloj marcó su tiempo y todo tuvo que perecer... viajar a esas tierras donde siempre se mantendrá vivaz, enérgico, inacabable y sorpresivo... pero no más aquí... así nos marchamos, así viajamos... detener el tiempo? pedir demasiado a los dioses que también sucumben ante su omnipotencia... ah... pequeños elementos residuales de todo este gran espectáculo de energía en el que estamos metido... mi vida continúa... los cielos no reclaman tu ausencia... las lágrimas se han secado... los ríos no se detendrán... levantaré mi mano... y tu, tal vez, tal vez... oh vaya... era tan sólo un recuerdo... otra vez
aunque... si un día la curiosidad te gana... pregúntale a quien quieras, lo que ha sido para esta cómica contar esa historia mirando al vacío buscando tus ojos en algún lugar sabiendo que distante estás
hay mucho que quisiera haber podido darte pero ya no lo tenía... es una de esas cosas que se van entregando en el camino y que después de haber aprendido te das cuenta que el precio pagado fue demasiado alto... y no hay lugar a devoluciones... no en esta vida... esto es lo que va quedando, sobre lo que me voy armando, con unas pequeñas marcas, recuerdo de lo que una vez se entregó, creciendo con más características de las que antes ni había tomado en consideración... pero no puedo evitar cuestionarme... el hecho que conociendome... habría sido posible crecer al mismo grado sin tener que haber pagado "ese" precio?... así me miro al espejo, pretendiendo que es a tí a quien miro a los ojos... y me pregunto si aun me tendrías aprecio al saber esas cosas... yo lo dudo... a mi misma me tomó buen tiempo aceptar tanta estupidez junta en una sola persona (siendo esa persona yo misma) pero q diablos... la vida continúa... y ya no puedo quedarme en lamentaciones... sólo que en el fondo, sé que sería genial seguir este viaje con alguien como tú...
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
|\/| /\ |> $
"you, so called friend... where were you all this time? hiding behind your fake smile again? what? did you believe i'd swallow all your words without analyzing them?... whatever... so take a seat... and tell me, how are you doing? it's been pretty fine around here so far... sometimes i find myself like a kind of... mice in a cage, pondering how to take over the world, just to have some fun... so... well... didn't you have something to tell me? i think you do since you've been 'around' all this time, did you miss me? did you think about me? 'cos i did, and in some way, i did miss you too... but now... i feel so awkward... lost yet at home... i guess it's part of being a little bit stressed... or maybe it's just me talking to myself again... are you still there? are you paying attention? do you really care about these things i'm saying once in a while? do you?...
well... but don't feel like i'm mad at you... i don't have a good reason to be, if you want to be like that with me, ok, it's your choice... but at least, be aware that i already know how bad your acting is... anyway, is everything going well with you? are you achieving all those things you wanted? i hope so... on my side... well... i'm still surfing between reality and dreamworld... sometimes i've seen myself talking with ghosts and holding shadows... like... now?"
En la errante soledad que me condeno al repasar estas páginas rebusco las respuestas a interrogantes que no sirven para la actualidad... todo fue... si la distancia e incomunicación fueran suficientes para olvidar... no seríamos capaces de recordar nuestra historia (demonios! y estar condenados a repetirla!)... así, habiendo aprendido de estos sucesos, cerraré los ojos para voltear la página y seguir con estas páginas en las que me encuentro escribiendo, eligiendo mis términos con el cuidado usual de mis discursos diarios... no se puede salvar lo que ya no está... mucho menos si es que no retribuye algún beneficio para la actualidad... ese frágil equilibrio entre dejar atrás sin descuidar... haciendo malabares y me toca, hoy o mañana, mandar un mensaje que, hasta estos días, es más probable que sea enviado por inet que en persona (a cada quien lo que merece)... jugando a la estrategia sin estrategia, la risa y la provocación en cándida inocencia de intención, no podré ser marcada como culpable si no encuentran pruebas para sustentarlo... y por lo visto, este fiscal es bastante estúpido, ya sea por que me subestima o por que se subestima a si mismo... dioses... hay gente que no aprende ni a golpes... pero de todos modos, en cierto grado... admito que me divierte
the game isn't over... yet
0.0
tu nombre deslizándose entre mis dedos, extraña sensación... no debería importarme, acostumbrada estoy a ello... en este semi autismo en el que me sumo para ver cosas que no están aquí ahora, dejo que los habitantes de las calles y salones de mi memoria inunden la vereda, me rio con ellos y ellas... y esa memoria, que eres tu, ya no habla, distante... y prefiero mantenerlo así... no volar en ilusiones... no volar si vas a chocar con la realidad...
aun asi... ahi está... vagas indirectas de tiempos pasados, se vierten en las miradas de reojo que suelo dirigir, pensamientos sin enojo de los errores que cometí y, aunque sin embargo aprendí, con un sabor vacío que tan sólo un salto me puede sacar de ese trance... ese estúpido trance... estúpido por qué? es jugarme a la tonta, a que desconozco que estoy haciendo, qué espero indirectamente... a pesar que, no tiene sustento en la realidad...
así, pasan un par de minutos, las sonrisas no se dejan esperar... espasmos como aquellos que tuve en esos momentos, caras de extrañeza y tomando tiempos para encajar cual reloj cucú... después de pelearme con mi plano techo que me convence que estoy alucinando, un autogolpe me obliga a bajar... a bajar y saltar de donde esté y enfrentar el hecho que... sólo estaba soñando, sueños que una vez fueron realidad, hasta que tuvieron que terminar... hahahaha... por eso el Joker regresa, traeme sonrisas y alegrías en formas alternativas, por que aun hay cosas que no me tienen muy conforme en este tiempo, en este lugar...
aun asi... ahi está... vagas indirectas de tiempos pasados, se vierten en las miradas de reojo que suelo dirigir, pensamientos sin enojo de los errores que cometí y, aunque sin embargo aprendí, con un sabor vacío que tan sólo un salto me puede sacar de ese trance... ese estúpido trance... estúpido por qué? es jugarme a la tonta, a que desconozco que estoy haciendo, qué espero indirectamente... a pesar que, no tiene sustento en la realidad...
así, pasan un par de minutos, las sonrisas no se dejan esperar... espasmos como aquellos que tuve en esos momentos, caras de extrañeza y tomando tiempos para encajar cual reloj cucú... después de pelearme con mi plano techo que me convence que estoy alucinando, un autogolpe me obliga a bajar... a bajar y saltar de donde esté y enfrentar el hecho que... sólo estaba soñando, sueños que una vez fueron realidad, hasta que tuvieron que terminar... hahahaha... por eso el Joker regresa, traeme sonrisas y alegrías en formas alternativas, por que aun hay cosas que no me tienen muy conforme en este tiempo, en este lugar...
Monday, May 22, 2006
Frases/Quotes
"No es lo mismo que te caigan de frente que te caigan de costado"... recordando el momento de inercia.
"It's not the same to be taken on the front than on the side"... recalling the moment of inertia
"Puede que Dios juegue a los dados... pero tiene muy buena punteria"... paráfrasis sobre otra frase sobre el azar en el universo.
"God may play with dices... but has a good accuracy"... paraphrasing another quote about random in the universe.
"Soy su hermano/a pero no se nada"... salida facilista escudándose en el hecho que familias como Ingalls son material de cuento de hadas.
"I'm their brother/sister but I know nothing"... easy way out hidding under the fact that families like the "Little Prairie's House" are fairy tales material.
"Se que lo dejé aquí"... claro... si aquí fuera algún lugar que recordaras realmente, no el lugar donde buscas ahora.
"I know I left it here"... yeah... if "here" was some place you could really remember, not the place you're looking right now
"Yo te quiero, tu me quieres, hagamos que esta relacion funcione", aplicable en casos tanto con personas como artefactos con los que uno tiene que tratar, por ejemplo, tu computadora
"I love you, you love me, let's make this thing workout", applicable with people and/or artifacts you have to deal with, for example, your computer
"Yo tenia fe... el/ella no", corolario en caso de que la frase anterior no haya surtido efecto
"I had faith... he/she didn't", corollary in the event that the previous phrase have not supplied effect
Y una de mis favoritas/One of my favorites
"Me saluda a su mamacita"... algunas de las últimas palabras de Sanchez Cerro para el Príncipe Jorge.
"My greetings to your mom"... some of Sanchez Cerro's last words to Prince George
Para más referencias que reflejan la pintoresca idiosincrasia de este mágico-real-maravilloso país vayan a:
For more references which reflects the picturesque idiosyncrasy of this magical-real-wonderful country go to:
-.-
blind.. it's almost 13:00 the day is bright but it's too short... time waits for nobody... gotta go
Sunday, May 21, 2006
I Don't Know How... Living in Macondo's Improved Version
The debate was done 40 minutes ago... high hopes, same situation... chatting with the guy i used to date... hell... here's my advice to everyone... NEVER, EVER PROJECT ANYTHING JUST TRUSTING ONLY ON SOMEONE'S/SOMETHING'S POTENTIAL (everyone/everything has potential, so you could rely on anyone/anything)... if it's not what it needs to be when you need it, then don't rely on it more than it can hold (did i make myself clear?)... in the beginning and in the end, you're the main part of every project in your life, aren't you? so, keep going, if they/it has to come, it'll do when it has to, not after, not before...
Anyway... what i don't know who reads all these ramblings, this is just me being struck by this feeling of "well, here's something that shouldn't be left to stray in my mind... it to has to be written" and since i've realised that i can type faster than i write... and well, i liked this thing on myspace and i'm taking advantage of this "blogging" thing since i think it's a way for you guys to know me a little bit more because i believe that you can learn a little more about people by the way they write and the themes they deal on their writtings... so, by now you, my dear reader, might have almost the same concept of me that my friends here have, "she's a loveable crazy" or "she's like a boy who looks and can think like a girl"... i don't know... either way, if you're on my list of friends it's because i liked you
Anyway... what i don't know who reads all these ramblings, this is just me being struck by this feeling of "well, here's something that shouldn't be left to stray in my mind... it to has to be written" and since i've realised that i can type faster than i write... and well, i liked this thing on myspace and i'm taking advantage of this "blogging" thing since i think it's a way for you guys to know me a little bit more because i believe that you can learn a little more about people by the way they write and the themes they deal on their writtings... so, by now you, my dear reader, might have almost the same concept of me that my friends here have, "she's a loveable crazy" or "she's like a boy who looks and can think like a girl"... i don't know... either way, if you're on my list of friends it's because i liked you
dream
aaaah... wicked silence...
ooooh... insane remembrance...
then i'll stay in the corner, you'll walk... i'll look the way you step away the room, you won't turn back... i'll jump from the window, i know you'll be somewhere else, i'll walk through the streets until i reach the woods and i get lost... with the stars above me i'll make a wish for each one i see, and i'll ask them, if they've seen you, i know you won't do the same, why would you do it? it's nonsense... well, it has some sense but i don't think you have the same idea as i do...
i'll climb the trees, i'll sleep while the branches hold me from the ground, dreaming of things that have not been but might be...
have you ever noticed how relative time can be? how long a single second can be when you're waiting for an answer? how short a whole day can be when you're having a great time? and then... you're dead... or it's over... is it really important to know what's happening after you die?... there are millions of people i'll never know but there's a few hundred i'll know... and from that group, i'll only remember even less
today, right before i woke up, i had this crazy dream, i was running down the hill where the hotel is... and i knew it was a dream, while i told to myself y my dream "it feels so real, i'd like i'd be real, but i know that by now there's no snow, and there should be people around now, at least a couple cars, and there's no one, and i'm running like if i'd be able to run away from reality and with some kind of magic i'd be able to stay there, but it didn't happened, i was running, without shoes, but didn't felt cold... i ran trying to find a familiar face, but the same line was on my mind "you know it's a dream" and i knew it... and i woke up... but i felt much better than the last month... i guess i was some kind of relieving of these wacky days i'm living by now... hell, now that i recall... it's better than having a "little house on the prairie"-like day... run and laugh... the monkey is on its way
ooooh... insane remembrance...
then i'll stay in the corner, you'll walk... i'll look the way you step away the room, you won't turn back... i'll jump from the window, i know you'll be somewhere else, i'll walk through the streets until i reach the woods and i get lost... with the stars above me i'll make a wish for each one i see, and i'll ask them, if they've seen you, i know you won't do the same, why would you do it? it's nonsense... well, it has some sense but i don't think you have the same idea as i do...
i'll climb the trees, i'll sleep while the branches hold me from the ground, dreaming of things that have not been but might be...
have you ever noticed how relative time can be? how long a single second can be when you're waiting for an answer? how short a whole day can be when you're having a great time? and then... you're dead... or it's over... is it really important to know what's happening after you die?... there are millions of people i'll never know but there's a few hundred i'll know... and from that group, i'll only remember even less
today, right before i woke up, i had this crazy dream, i was running down the hill where the hotel is... and i knew it was a dream, while i told to myself y my dream "it feels so real, i'd like i'd be real, but i know that by now there's no snow, and there should be people around now, at least a couple cars, and there's no one, and i'm running like if i'd be able to run away from reality and with some kind of magic i'd be able to stay there, but it didn't happened, i was running, without shoes, but didn't felt cold... i ran trying to find a familiar face, but the same line was on my mind "you know it's a dream" and i knew it... and i woke up... but i felt much better than the last month... i guess i was some kind of relieving of these wacky days i'm living by now... hell, now that i recall... it's better than having a "little house on the prairie"-like day... run and laugh... the monkey is on its way
cítome...
en flagrante usanza de arcaísmos, pecaré al citarme... al releer lo que una vez escribí para que surja otro tipeo de palabras con algún sentido...
hoy cambién el nick a algo que suena como "En que me he convertido... mi más dulce amigo? aun recuerdas como era yo? por que yo no puedo... no puedo..." obvia influencia de "Hurt" en ello, eh? pero innegable será que si escribo estas líneas ahora es por los textos antes publicados...
ahi voy
perdiendo mis defensas pues descubri que de nada había que defenderse
manteniendo la independencia de mi existencia sin olvidar que aun requiero de otras personas para subsistir
miraré el reloj una vez mas (15:24) y haré lo que tengo que hacer... adios, por ahora... fácil escribiré más tarde... ahí te leo o te veo, lo que suceda 1ro ;)
hoy cambién el nick a algo que suena como "En que me he convertido... mi más dulce amigo? aun recuerdas como era yo? por que yo no puedo... no puedo..." obvia influencia de "Hurt" en ello, eh? pero innegable será que si escribo estas líneas ahora es por los textos antes publicados...
ahi voy
perdiendo mis defensas pues descubri que de nada había que defenderse
manteniendo la independencia de mi existencia sin olvidar que aun requiero de otras personas para subsistir
miraré el reloj una vez mas (15:24) y haré lo que tengo que hacer... adios, por ahora... fácil escribiré más tarde... ahí te leo o te veo, lo que suceda 1ro ;)
15:12
my stomach is full... i'm happy... things left to do for today... some people tries to keep some kind of conversation with meaningless lines... then... "de noche, tango y... los domingos... los lunes desolacion, hay de todo en la casita" aaaah... with a great scream waiting to go out... there i go, again...
bury'em... then dig and look for them
In silence i walked through the park, the idea slipped between my thoughts (again)... only stared at me just like it is, just an idea which won't move nor speak unless I allow it to do... even so, I'd like to hear the answer... but it's like the answer forgotten in the silence, that loneliness without abandonment which leaves traces in the memory, filling its streets with signs of a return that no one should expect to be... (but some do)
i won't lie... it's there, i know it's still there... i don't want to let it speak anymore... and it's there... it's there... i said i'd never leave that idea fall into oblivion... so i'm leaving that idea walk around.... it'll catch me without guard anytime... it'll hit me with a picture, with a fragrance, with a song, or maybe... just with the air, it'll laugh, i'll rise my head just to look at it waving good bye until the next time it assaults me... and i'll be wondering, how it could be, how... until it strikes again... and i'll hold it without touching it, wonder about it without longing it... and i'll keep doing my tasks...
then i'll wake up again, cursing everything that takes through this part of my path in such illusionary order, and i'll dress up and get ready to fit again into this game i don't want to be part anymore, but i want to finish it, at last, i must finish it (it won't beat me, not again)
i'll wonder the same in the morning while i watch the clock and substracting the numbers... time waits for nobody, if time is greater than us, why should i do what time doesn't? therefore, i shouldn't wait, therefore i don't... potential is not a reason to be with someone, it's an easy lesson i learned on the last year
Even so... i'll walk, i'll send my assigments, i'll sit in front of the computer for hours until i'm done with all those things i must, i'll sing, i'll laugh, i'll play and i'll walk again... i'll stare at the sky while i'm going to school (or home) pretending that i'm not there but somewhere else, just to make this more bareable... then i'll do everything again... and again.. and again.. until everything is completed... nothing lasts forever, nor there's someone who can live forever... how it would be?... live with youth's vitality and ancient's wisdom? be able to do all those things everyone dreams and be able to do them all, and find new ones to keep on moving... forever young
and i'll go to sleep again... i'll... i'm... i did... i just want to be done with all of this at once... and never ever have to see that place again for something related to studies.
+++++++++++++++
bury them... and dig to fing them again... stripped and dirty (but alive)... then go away and play... then ask them and don't expect any answer... just smile, fly but don't let your feet leave the ground... inhale, exhale... open your eyes and realise... it's just a dream...
looking through the window, a sunny sky over the city today... don't spend your time wondering how long will it last, just enjoy...
lone walker... i've got to travel with light loads, just myself
"a veces cuando el sol se va... comprendo que, nunca tuve nada que y probablemente nunca lo tendre /.../ llevame aire del camino, hasta donde nadie me pueda encontrar, llevame aire tibio y azul y abandoname, con algo de tu luz /.../ a veces cuando asoma el sol, llenando de diamantes la quietud del mar, me doy cuenta de que siempre fue asi, siempre estuve sola y siempre lo estare... cuantas veces soniando despierta, creo verte en la multitud..." EN ALGUN LUGAR ALGUIEN YA ESCRIBIO QUE ESTE MUNDO NO ES NADA MAS QUE UNA PIEDRA REDONDA (then, kick it!)
i won't lie... it's there, i know it's still there... i don't want to let it speak anymore... and it's there... it's there... i said i'd never leave that idea fall into oblivion... so i'm leaving that idea walk around.... it'll catch me without guard anytime... it'll hit me with a picture, with a fragrance, with a song, or maybe... just with the air, it'll laugh, i'll rise my head just to look at it waving good bye until the next time it assaults me... and i'll be wondering, how it could be, how... until it strikes again... and i'll hold it without touching it, wonder about it without longing it... and i'll keep doing my tasks...
then i'll wake up again, cursing everything that takes through this part of my path in such illusionary order, and i'll dress up and get ready to fit again into this game i don't want to be part anymore, but i want to finish it, at last, i must finish it (it won't beat me, not again)
i'll wonder the same in the morning while i watch the clock and substracting the numbers... time waits for nobody, if time is greater than us, why should i do what time doesn't? therefore, i shouldn't wait, therefore i don't... potential is not a reason to be with someone, it's an easy lesson i learned on the last year
Even so... i'll walk, i'll send my assigments, i'll sit in front of the computer for hours until i'm done with all those things i must, i'll sing, i'll laugh, i'll play and i'll walk again... i'll stare at the sky while i'm going to school (or home) pretending that i'm not there but somewhere else, just to make this more bareable... then i'll do everything again... and again.. and again.. until everything is completed... nothing lasts forever, nor there's someone who can live forever... how it would be?... live with youth's vitality and ancient's wisdom? be able to do all those things everyone dreams and be able to do them all, and find new ones to keep on moving... forever young
and i'll go to sleep again... i'll... i'm... i did... i just want to be done with all of this at once... and never ever have to see that place again for something related to studies.
+++++++++++++++
bury them... and dig to fing them again... stripped and dirty (but alive)... then go away and play... then ask them and don't expect any answer... just smile, fly but don't let your feet leave the ground... inhale, exhale... open your eyes and realise... it's just a dream...
looking through the window, a sunny sky over the city today... don't spend your time wondering how long will it last, just enjoy...
lone walker... i've got to travel with light loads, just myself
"a veces cuando el sol se va... comprendo que, nunca tuve nada que y probablemente nunca lo tendre /.../ llevame aire del camino, hasta donde nadie me pueda encontrar, llevame aire tibio y azul y abandoname, con algo de tu luz /.../ a veces cuando asoma el sol, llenando de diamantes la quietud del mar, me doy cuenta de que siempre fue asi, siempre estuve sola y siempre lo estare... cuantas veces soniando despierta, creo verte en la multitud..." EN ALGUN LUGAR ALGUIEN YA ESCRIBIO QUE ESTE MUNDO NO ES NADA MAS QUE UNA PIEDRA REDONDA (then, kick it!)
Friday, May 19, 2006
2nd break
without time to think about something else... that idea always finds the way to slip between geometrical, structural and squizoid tasks in my mind... it slips and stares at all this circus I proudly manage in my mind to develop this assigment that have consumed my time these days... it stares... like a child who visits their parents at their job... will they laugh? will they understand? will they even think about the person who's doing that job or will they be too excited or bored for that?... i don't know... it just happens, in my mind... i don't want to look at that idea... i don't have to get distracted, even when sometimes i play, though... and music helps a lot to keep that idea there... whatever... i'm on my way
Sun Wukong! Loki! Puck!
Grant me your Skills!!!!!!!
(much better :D)
Sun Wukong! Loki! Puck!
Grant me your Skills!!!!!!!
(much better :D)
Thursday, May 18, 2006
Break
Listening NIN's Hurt... on the other window, a friend's answers... one the other window... people online...
there's the point i should stay for a while
now it's gone
there's the point i should stay for a while
now it's gone
Monday, May 15, 2006
Auditorium 20%
Current mood: creative
hell, it must be done, i'm getting it done before thursday.... hell i will... and i'm gonna laugh at the end of it, 'cos it'll be the begining!... oh boy... i'll be part of the computer by the end of it... it won't be the first time though
Thursday, May 11, 2006
one day in, the next day out
red hands, that's what i'm looking at... with my eyes loaded with tears and the biggest grin i've ever had... i touch my face and recognize that smell, that sweet smell mixed with salt... now i have to jump and run, no one has to find me when i'm back, will i remember your fingers touching my hair? barely, who knows, now i've gotta run...
looks like everyone knows what i've done, i try to do not look at their eyes but i can't help feeling their gaze upon me, are they blaming me for something? are they ignoring me as usual? i don't care, i've gotta get out of here
once i'm far away from there i'll find that river we used to talk about... my tears and your blood will disolve into the water, together in some way, forever with all the beauty and dirt of this place... how did it happened? i recall, we were laughing, you looked so glad, oh my, i could never ever forget your expression, suddenly, it strikes, a single second, your heart stops, your lunges collapses, your eyes wide open begging for another minute to let your lips set free just those last words... those words you never had the time to tell me... and you'll never have... spitting blood, your legs crumble down, the air comes out of your mouth, i held you, i held you... against my chest, kissed your forehead and, we knew you didn't have more time, it sucks but at least, we saw it coming for a while...
i leave your body lying on the floor, then i pick it up and leave it on that place that was ours once... i turn off the music, i open the window, you always like the sun on your face, that's the least thing i can do for you... i turn everything off, then i set everything on fire... and it burns... burns... all the records of what we once had... those memories will be carefully kept in my mind... and nobody else will ever know what really was that thing that happened between us... why should they care? most of them only had their mouth to gossip with every action everyone else had, they should get a life for themselves and stop that stupid hobby... anyway... i can't help smiling while i remember you... even when everything is burning in front of my eyes... then i look at my hands, red hands, i barely can see due to my tears, then i realise i'm smiling... and i recognise... hey! we really had a great time together!... and it's over... i've gotta go... gotta go... for today... until we meet again!
looks like everyone knows what i've done, i try to do not look at their eyes but i can't help feeling their gaze upon me, are they blaming me for something? are they ignoring me as usual? i don't care, i've gotta get out of here
once i'm far away from there i'll find that river we used to talk about... my tears and your blood will disolve into the water, together in some way, forever with all the beauty and dirt of this place... how did it happened? i recall, we were laughing, you looked so glad, oh my, i could never ever forget your expression, suddenly, it strikes, a single second, your heart stops, your lunges collapses, your eyes wide open begging for another minute to let your lips set free just those last words... those words you never had the time to tell me... and you'll never have... spitting blood, your legs crumble down, the air comes out of your mouth, i held you, i held you... against my chest, kissed your forehead and, we knew you didn't have more time, it sucks but at least, we saw it coming for a while...
i leave your body lying on the floor, then i pick it up and leave it on that place that was ours once... i turn off the music, i open the window, you always like the sun on your face, that's the least thing i can do for you... i turn everything off, then i set everything on fire... and it burns... burns... all the records of what we once had... those memories will be carefully kept in my mind... and nobody else will ever know what really was that thing that happened between us... why should they care? most of them only had their mouth to gossip with every action everyone else had, they should get a life for themselves and stop that stupid hobby... anyway... i can't help smiling while i remember you... even when everything is burning in front of my eyes... then i look at my hands, red hands, i barely can see due to my tears, then i realise i'm smiling... and i recognise... hey! we really had a great time together!... and it's over... i've gotta go... gotta go... for today... until we meet again!
Those Things No One Can Take Away From Me
Myself, My Word...
And hell, those little moments we shared... when I picked you up when you fell on the icy pavement, laughing at the guy who didn't know how to use the appartment's key, the way you startled me by showing up after you said you wouldn't come, those advices you gave me to look better, those conversations we had while were going to the bar, all the support you gave me all the time, playing pool, and dancing and having a great time at the bar... hell... no one could ever take those things away from me
And hell, those little moments we shared... when I picked you up when you fell on the icy pavement, laughing at the guy who didn't know how to use the appartment's key, the way you startled me by showing up after you said you wouldn't come, those advices you gave me to look better, those conversations we had while were going to the bar, all the support you gave me all the time, playing pool, and dancing and having a great time at the bar... hell... no one could ever take those things away from me
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
Tales
from THE BOOK OF STORYIES
=========================
=========================
[]s indicate apocryphal inserts or unreliable translations.
CHAPTER 3
1 And it came to pass that in 1958 in Rio de Janeiro a cargo ship
docked in the night.
docked in the night.
2 And it was in the cargo hold that a steamer trunk lay.
3 And it did open and disgorge three Malkavians, as Groucho's trunk
did in "A Night at the Opera."
did in "A Night at the Opera."
4 [And so they will be called Chico, Harpo and Alan]
5 And Chico did tell a dockworker to come with them, as they were
hungry. [And the dockworker, he did come.]
hungry. [And the dockworker, he did come.]
6 And Harpo did steal some bicycles from the street. [And yea, the
bicycles did have large bells on the handlebars.]
bicycles did have large bells on the handlebars.]
7 And Alan did toss a grenade into the engine of the cargo ship. [And
there were many divers alarums.]
there were many divers alarums.]
8 And they did ride the streets of Rio like the parking attendants from
"Ferris Bueller's Day Off." [Excepting that they had more bells and
very little John Williams music.]
"Ferris Bueller's Day Off." [Excepting that they had more bells and
very little John Williams music.]
9 And yea, they did stop at a nightclub.
10 And yea, the prince of Rio did summon them with many thugs who looked
like Jimmy Cagney.
like Jimmy Cagney.
11 And they did visit the prince, who looked like the Mexican guy in
"Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid." [And the prince did not wear plaid. Amen.]
"Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid." [And the prince did not wear plaid. Amen.]
12 And the prince did say: "What brings you loonies to my city?"
13 And Alan did say: "Where are my pajamas?"
14 And Chico did say: "A race."
15 And Harpo did say: "A bicycle ding ding!"
16 And the prince did say "A race?" [For the prince was old and wily and
knew that Alan was wearing his pajamas and that bicycles cannot cross
the ocean. Listen well to the wisdom of the other clans.]
knew that Alan was wearing his pajamas and that bicycles cannot cross
the ocean. Listen well to the wisdom of the other clans.]
17 And Chico did tell the story of the Great Race
18 "
In 1814 we took a little trip
The Colonel told us London was the place to be
So long city life
London was fun
But we were there for a reason
The reason for the season
Was a race
The Great Race
Organized by a Tortillador
There was a Race
With a Great Prize
A large Herd
A small Princedom
But most importantly
A cubic zirconium necklace worth well over five dollars.
The race was a trip around the world
And three from each clan were chosen
From the Tremulous, Larry, Moe and Curly
From the Ventricle, Hitler, Hirohito and Mussolini
From the Gangbangrel, Kerouac, Burroughs and Ginsberg
From the Brujahaha, ABC, CBS and NBC
From the Notforyoutojudge, the Father, the Sun and the Holy Simolean
And from the Tortilliador, Pancho, Cisco and the Lone Ranger
And we, we were sent from the Malfabrications."
The Colonel told us London was the place to be
So long city life
London was fun
But we were there for a reason
The reason for the season
Was a race
The Great Race
Organized by a Tortillador
There was a Race
With a Great Prize
A large Herd
A small Princedom
But most importantly
A cubic zirconium necklace worth well over five dollars.
The race was a trip around the world
And three from each clan were chosen
From the Tremulous, Larry, Moe and Curly
From the Ventricle, Hitler, Hirohito and Mussolini
From the Gangbangrel, Kerouac, Burroughs and Ginsberg
From the Brujahaha, ABC, CBS and NBC
From the Notforyoutojudge, the Father, the Sun and the Holy Simolean
And from the Tortilliador, Pancho, Cisco and the Lone Ranger
And we, we were sent from the Malfabrications."
19 The prince did shake his head and did say "This was in 1814?"
20 "Aye," Chico did say. "Aye think therefore the ayes have it."
21 The prince did say "But is not the race over, then?" [For the
prince was {UNTRANSLATABLE}]
prince was {UNTRANSLATABLE}]
22 And Harpo said "Jesus, look at the time!"
23 And Chico said "Jesus isn't here."
24 And Alan said "You're right."
25 And Chico said "We gotta find him."
26 And Harpo said "He isn't here."
27 And Alan said "We can't be here right now."
28 And Chico said "Bye."
23 And Chico said "Jesus isn't here."
24 And Alan said "You're right."
25 And Chico said "We gotta find him."
26 And Harpo said "He isn't here."
27 And Alan said "We can't be here right now."
28 And Chico said "Bye."
29 And they did cross the Andes by frog.
CHAPTER 4
1 And it came to pass that in Beijing in 1968 a plane landed at night.
2 And three Malkavians got off the plane, like Bergman in "Casablanca"
running backwards.
running backwards.
3 [And so we will call them Bogart, Usual Suspect and Namgreb.]
4 And Usual Suspect hailed a rickshaw and told the rickshaw driver to leave.
5 And the rickshaw driver left.
6 And Usual Suspect pulled the rickshaw with Bogart and Namgreb into the
city.
city.
7 And in the same city was Curly the Tremere, who had hunted high and low
for the losers of the Race.
for the losers of the Race.
8 And Curly stood before them and Curly shook her head and said "You have
lost."
lost."
9 And Bogart said "Nice to see you too, Curly."
10 And Curly said "My name is Vivian."
11 And Usual Suspect said "Okay, Vivian. See you at the finish line."
12 And Curly said "There is no finish line. The race has been over for
150 years."
150 years."
13 And Namgreb said "If there is no finish line, how can we be finished?"
14 And Curly said "You have lost. You can stop running."
15 And Bogart said "We may have lost, but you _are_ lost."
16 And Usual Suspect said "Do you know where you're going?"
17 And Namgreb said "Because we sure as hell do."
18 And Curly stamped her foot and said "But the race is over."
19 And Bogart said "But not the running of the race."
20 And Namgreb said "Running."
21 And Usual Suspect said "Run!"
20 And Namgreb said "Running."
21 And Usual Suspect said "Run!"
22 And Curly ran. And Usual Suspect ran, dragging Bogart and Namgreb
behind him/her/it.
behind him/her/it.
COMMENTARY:
Think on this:
Travel Time (London to London, 1814)
Tremere: 114 days
Ventrue: 117 days
Gangrel; 120 days
Nosferatu: 125 days
Toreador: 127 days
Brujah: 136 days
---------
And somewhere in the world
Three people run
And fly
And ride
And float
And sail
And drive
A meandering path across a planet
They are nearly 200 years late
They can no longer finish
Because there is no finish line
But they have direction
They have each other
And they have a horizon that smiles a broad curved smile on their drunken
path
Who has won the race?
Tremere: 114 days
Ventrue: 117 days
Gangrel; 120 days
Nosferatu: 125 days
Toreador: 127 days
Brujah: 136 days
---------
And somewhere in the world
Three people run
And fly
And ride
And float
And sail
And drive
A meandering path across a planet
They are nearly 200 years late
They can no longer finish
Because there is no finish line
But they have direction
They have each other
And they have a horizon that smiles a broad curved smile on their drunken
path
Who has won the race?
--------------------
(Chris Fieldhouse)
An untidy room with a double bed.
A mound of blankets is the only sign that there is anyone asleep here.
The mound stirs as the hibinating occupant begins the slow and painful path back to consciousness.
A mound of blankets is the only sign that there is anyone asleep here.
The mound stirs as the hibinating occupant begins the slow and painful path back to consciousness.
From the mound of blankets the first scout, a teddy bear, is thrust out to see what the evening is like. When he fails to report, a mutilated rabbit is thrown out to find out why the first scout failed to report in.
Silence.
The third scout, a pale hand, wanders out and blindly probes the surrounding area for clues. Eventually it comes open the clock and begins the difficult task of retrieving it back to the warm lair.
Silence.
Suddenly the blankets erupt as Chriss sits bolt upright to study the clock. 1:30. He's late, he's almost slept the night half away. Slowly and painfully he staggers out of bed and curses that drunk he had yesterday.
He reaches the bedroom curtains, pulls them open, Screams, and thanks god that he had the sense to rent a place with a north facing window........
He reaches the bedroom curtains, pulls them open, Screams, and thanks god that he had the sense to rent a place with a north facing window........
"Bright light, bright light" he screams as daylight streams into the room.
Well, the old cliche's work for everyone else, so why not for him?
He steps back away from the window .
He stares down at the cold, stodgy mass of a half eaten pizza and sighs.
Slowly, carefully, he sits down on the bed and begins picking the olives and cheese out from between his toes while staring out of the window into the snow filled courtyard below.
Well, the old cliche's work for everyone else, so why not for him?
He steps back away from the window .
He stares down at the cold, stodgy mass of a half eaten pizza and sighs.
Slowly, carefully, he sits down on the bed and begins picking the olives and cheese out from between his toes while staring out of the window into the snow filled courtyard below.
Down below are a group of children, probably about 10 years old, building a snowman and having a snow-ball fight. Chriss watches them as they laugh, screams and play. Slowly he finds himself sliding into a depression.....
"I I I If only I hadn't been made a vampire." He mutters to no-one, but himself.
"I would only be a few years older then I am now, b b b but I could go outside and have fun and play their games."
A tear of blood begins to trickle down his cheek.
"I would only be a few years older then I am now, b b b but I could go outside and have fun and play their games."
A tear of blood begins to trickle down his cheek.
"No, t t t that would be a foolish idea, I must be mad to think about it.
"But they call me mad anyway.
"Thats b b b besides the point!
"Is it? Why? Why do they call me mad? Answer that!
"No! S S S Stop it! This is a futile argument and I won't do it!
"Fair enough, but think on what I said.....
Chriss pauses in his unusual one sided argument.
"Why do t t t they call me mad....."
"But they call me mad anyway.
"Thats b b b besides the point!
"Is it? Why? Why do they call me mad? Answer that!
"No! S S S Stop it! This is a futile argument and I won't do it!
"Fair enough, but think on what I said.....
Chriss pauses in his unusual one sided argument.
"Why do t t t they call me mad....."
The accusation of 'madness' always hurts him,
He does not concider himself insane, that is a word used by people who do not wish to be responcible for their actions, or a term used by others to explain the horrors commited by a 'rational' mind (such aas Hitler).
He does not concider himself insane, instead he is above the simple, trivial
definitions imposed by the closed minded.
He considers himself to be in the elite of the 'super-sane'!
He does not concider himself insane, that is a word used by people who do not wish to be responcible for their actions, or a term used by others to explain the horrors commited by a 'rational' mind (such aas Hitler).
He does not concider himself insane, instead he is above the simple, trivial
definitions imposed by the closed minded.
He considers himself to be in the elite of the 'super-sane'!
"Why do they call m m m me mad....."
He ponders the question as he sits down at the computer and begins typing...
Why do they call me mad?
Its a simple question I guess.
But I don't have an answer.
But why do THEY call ME mad?
As I walk through the Elysium, a dark and dreary place, they shun and avoid me, but I have never done anything to them. I only wish to join in, but they tell me to go away and they take my spray cans from me and shout at me for using roller skates on the polished wooden floors.
Why should I be ashamed of being called a Malkavian,
why should I be shunned and prejudiced against for being in the clan,
why shouldn't I feel proud of being a Malkavian,
Do I not have a heritage as noble and distinguised as the best of you?
why should I be shunned and prejudiced against for being in the clan,
why shouldn't I feel proud of being a Malkavian,
Do I not have a heritage as noble and distinguised as the best of you?
Hey Mr Ventrue sir, In your Armani suit.
What do you intend to do for the rest of eternity?
What do you intend to do for the rest of eternity?
He smiles at me, but his prides makes him boost of his dreams of the financial empire that he is building up, of the political organizations that he is slowly taking control off and of the people in high places who are his pawns. But I have some money in a bank, isn't that good enough?
He smiles and laugh, foolish child, that is a drop compared to the fortunes he has.
But I have all I need don't I? Why gather more money than you can spend?
He smiles and laugh, foolish child, that is a drop compared to the fortunes he has.
But I have all I need don't I? Why gather more money than you can spend?
The Ventrue tells me I don't understand money.
But they are wrong, I have all I need, I do not drive others to poverty nor do I wish to control their lives through it.
But they are wrong, I have all I need, I do not drive others to poverty nor do I wish to control their lives through it.
So why do they call me mad?
What will the Ventrue do when they own all that there is to own?
The Nosferatu tell me that knowledge is power and that knowledge is the key to all things and that I know nothing.
But they are wrong, for I know enough to survive and I know what I want to know (I know I don't want to live in sewers, and to change my underwear once a month whether I need to or not).
Why spend eternity collecting knowledge which can never be used.?
But they are wrong, for I know enough to survive and I know what I want to know (I know I don't want to live in sewers, and to change my underwear once a month whether I need to or not).
Why spend eternity collecting knowledge which can never be used.?
So why do they call me mad?
What will the Nosferatu do when they know all that is knowable?
The Tremere plot and scheme and work their plans within plans within plans...
They tell me their strength is in their unity, that each is a part of the whole, that to harm one is to harm them all (Sounds a bit like the 'Borg' to me, "Freedom is Irrelevant, Death is Irrelevant, You will be assimulated!").
But I am an individual, free to decide what to do, answerable to no one, but myself (& Mr Bunny). I have no-one above me to give me orders, no-one below me to want my advice and guidance. No one controls me, and I control no-one.
They tell me their strength is in their unity, that each is a part of the whole, that to harm one is to harm them all (Sounds a bit like the 'Borg' to me, "Freedom is Irrelevant, Death is Irrelevant, You will be assimulated!").
But I am an individual, free to decide what to do, answerable to no one, but myself (& Mr Bunny). I have no-one above me to give me orders, no-one below me to want my advice and guidance. No one controls me, and I control no-one.
So why do they call me mad?
What will the Tremere do when their plans are completed and they control all?
What will drive them then?
What will the Tremere do when their plans are completed and they control all?
What will drive them then?
The Brujah tell me I must break the chains of my oppression, but I am not oppressed. They tell me that I do not see my oppressors.
But of course they are wrong, I have my freedom and liberty. I am not bound into anyones ideas and schemes except my own. I am my own master.
Why should I break free from something that doesn't exist for me?
Your scholars will debate the needs of the revolution, but not enact it.
Your thugs will lash out and destroy everything, but they do not move towards a new order or towards freedom, nor do they have dreams about how things should be.
I tell them that they are bound by chains of their own making, for they only know how to oppose everyone else. They exist to be oppressed.
But of course they are wrong, I have my freedom and liberty. I am not bound into anyones ideas and schemes except my own. I am my own master.
Why should I break free from something that doesn't exist for me?
Your scholars will debate the needs of the revolution, but not enact it.
Your thugs will lash out and destroy everything, but they do not move towards a new order or towards freedom, nor do they have dreams about how things should be.
I tell them that they are bound by chains of their own making, for they only know how to oppose everyone else. They exist to be oppressed.
So why do they call me mad?
When will the Brujah revolution and fight for freedom BEGIN?
When will the Brujah revolution and fight for freedom BEGIN?
The Toreadors tell me I don't understand beauty.
But they are wrong, on a cold winter night, I take the train up the mountain that overlooks Oslo, and there at the top, surrounded by snow, I look at the lights of the city below and at the inky blackness beyond that is the fjord. I look up into the night sky and I see the beauty of the stars. The other night, I looked at the thin crescent of the moon and at the bright point of light that was Venus close by.
But they are wrong, on a cold winter night, I take the train up the mountain that overlooks Oslo, and there at the top, surrounded by snow, I look at the lights of the city below and at the inky blackness beyond that is the fjord. I look up into the night sky and I see the beauty of the stars. The other night, I looked at the thin crescent of the moon and at the bright point of light that was Venus close by.
Is that not Beauty? The beauty of nature.
A beauty, no one can create or truly describe.
So why do they call me mad?
A beauty, no one can create or truly describe.
So why do they call me mad?
There are only so many poems a person can write,
so what will the toreadors do when they can write no more?
so what will the toreadors do when they can write no more?
The gangrels tell me I don't understand freedom and what it is to run wild.
But they are wrong (surprise, surprise).
But they are wrong (surprise, surprise).
In the summer, the days are long and the night short (it is merely a twilight that last for a few hours).
In summer before sunset, I climb that mountain (carefully!) and once the sun has gone down, I fly my kite in the warm summer breeze of the twilight.
My kite flies as high as a bird and my mind saws with it, high into the heavens, free as a bird (or bat).
In summer before sunset, I climb that mountain (carefully!) and once the sun has gone down, I fly my kite in the warm summer breeze of the twilight.
My kite flies as high as a bird and my mind saws with it, high into the heavens, free as a bird (or bat).
Is that not freedom, to enjoy the simply things that give me pleasure?
So why do they call me mad?
So why do they call me mad?
So what will the Gangrels do once all the forests and open spaces have gone, where will they run free then?
So why do they all call ME mad?
Am I mad?
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
sticked
En los ultimos minutos del silencio que aun nos queda, suspiro mientras los ojos cierro tratando de recordar un rostro del cual no queda prueba...
En los segundos que faltan antes de abrir mis ojos y mirar la pared de reojo antes de saltarla para echarme a volar, como esos dias que solia vagar y sentarme en el puente para ver los autos pasar trazando rios brillantes bajo mis pies... bajo mis pies mientras el sol lanzaba los ultimos saludos del día...
Asi llega la noche, mis ojos abro, no hay paredes, no hay obstáculos que saltar mas que aquellos ya conocidos, con la misma gente que dejé un tiempo atras... ya queda poco... inane agonía de la rutina eterna, hasta que perdemos la sensacion de lo que es el tiempo mismo... envejecemos y.... decimos salud al ver a la parca venir... a decir hola...
(haciendo pajaros de barro, echandolos a volar, sabiendo que se estrellarán irremediablemente repartiendo sus pedazos alrededor que se disolverán en el agua, el viento se llevará lo demás... como un transeúnte solitario en esas calles innombrables de la memoria que ahora ya ocupas... pajaros al viento, que no podrán volar... no tomaré la ruta hacia tu casa, tampoco cantaré esas tonadas que solíamos disfrutar... me volveré a perder en mis caminos, algunos aun no conozco, eso no importa, prefiero no pasar por zonas conocidas, me aburre lo predecible... y entonces me dare cuenta que las diferencias podrán invitarme a extrañarte, los ruiseñores de mañana, las peleas de nieve al lado del bar, las carreras de piques y todo lo demás... que francamente, sé que puedo vivir sin ellos)
Ahora, humedad que penetra en mis fosas nasales, atosigándome con aromas desconocidos, placenteros y anodinos, comunes al día a día que solemos consumir sin miramientos.. que al final del camino, ya olvidamos, o queremos prescindir...
Entonces.. será entonces tal vez que nos encontremos... frágilmente fértil imaginación que al más mínimo asomo de juego, vuela trazando un universo que siempre empieza con tu sonrisa, tus palabras y se consolida con tu adios en promesa de un encuentro en algún momento... tal vez actual... si alguna vez me preguntan... maldicion si pues diré... siempre estuviste en mi mente... no te pediré que me preguntes si hubo algo real, tampoco me molestaré en preguntarte, pasado en eso radica, y amen que hermoso fue... fue...
Dime, cuantas veces has detenido tu día para preguntarte lo mismo? ocupo algún lugar en tu memoria, esa que con dedicación cuidas nunca olvidar? no lo se... y realmente... no me importa... viví antes, vivo después, con o sin la anuencia de la gente, sigo en esto que elijo como mi vida, con mis aciertos y tonterías... sigo adelante... pero de cuando en cuando vago en mi mente sobre esa posibilidad que en algún lugar, hay alguien, como será? hahahaha, esa loca ilusión, pero hay más cosas por las cuales vivir en esta existencia... aaaaaah... tantas cosas cada una más excitante que la anterior... pero sé que si nos encontramos con esa persona... hahahaha... pensaré dos veces antes de lanzarme a seguir trotando, no, mejor aun, sería genial seguir trotando con esa persona! y disfrutar cada instante, cada quien en su ruta pero sabiendo que estaremos uno para el otro... arregla el sol, dando más luz a la vida... no, dando una fuente más de luz, distinta, deliciosa que sazona con precisión cada momento... so long!
talk show... demons, that song is awesome...
never leave without saying or doing all those things you felt, especially if it's about someone... this guy had a friend, a girl he used to hang out a lot, something happened between them and well, he felt that if he said to "be" with her that great friendship would end... she didn't felt like that... he didn't know what to do... they got in separated ways... it sucks when friendships break like that... after a while he started to date with her best friend... but it didn't work... up and downs in life got them separated... "life's like a horse, a wild horse which you have to tame, it might drop you down once, and twice and... well.. there's a moment when it can't drop you down anymore (or at least it doesn't hurt that much)"... after a while... when he got better and put a little bit order in his life, he picked up the phone and called that girl he talked about in the begining... and then he knew she died... once again, he felt lost in the present, he never had the chance to say good bye or something... strayed with all those things he wanted to say and he'll never get the chance to tell her... words that will stay stucked between your throat and your mouth in that silence, that freaking silence in which, you know what to say... but no one there's to tell... that useless knot which saves no one, for that person isn't there anymore (usually death is like that)... and it sucks... so this guy ends this song with this little advice:
close your love stories, finish your books... don´t let death or time take the pen of your hand and write the end of those you really care about...
Monday, May 08, 2006
Pateandome la cabeza
Bucolica remembranza, con mi cabeza queriendo escribir en ingles, pero que diablos mas da... debo ejercitar mi léxico castizo antes que olvide lo básico de una conversación en mi lengua materna...
En fin... si, bucólica remembranza de aquellos días en que solía subir y bajar el barranco cerca a mi casa, jugar con los venados y bajar al colegio sin faltar cada día... un perro (que en esos días me parecía inmenso) irrumpía en el camino mientras regresábamos con mi hermano, increiblemente escandaloso nos ladraba como si fuera dueño de la escalera... nosotros sólo resolvíamos por quedarnos quietecitos, quietecitos, hasta que la señora (ama del can) lo llamaba mientras nos decía que no nos asustemos que no nos iba a morder (claro pues, ella fácilmente nos doblaba la estatura, como no la va asustar), ahora creo que asustarnos era el chiste de ese perro todos los días que tenía cla oportunidad de hacerlo...
Sin embargo esos días estuvieron siempre llenos de alegrías y sorpresas, algo que supongo común para cualquier infante, pero no se... aun me da la sensación que me equivoqué de escena y en un momento no se cómo todos llegaron acá y yo con un libreto que a veces no corresponde con las circunstancias... una loquita querible dicen algunos... otros, no sé, no me lo han comentado... ah si, ese es el motivo por el cual "patearme la cabeza"... estos últimos dias me siento mas perdida que cuy en torneo de waterpolo... tal vez si llego a hacer lo que el título dice pueda reordenar las cosas o por lo menos dar un toque mas curioso para despertar mi actividad fisica que francamente... últimamente esta para llorar
En fin... si, bucólica remembranza de aquellos días en que solía subir y bajar el barranco cerca a mi casa, jugar con los venados y bajar al colegio sin faltar cada día... un perro (que en esos días me parecía inmenso) irrumpía en el camino mientras regresábamos con mi hermano, increiblemente escandaloso nos ladraba como si fuera dueño de la escalera... nosotros sólo resolvíamos por quedarnos quietecitos, quietecitos, hasta que la señora (ama del can) lo llamaba mientras nos decía que no nos asustemos que no nos iba a morder (claro pues, ella fácilmente nos doblaba la estatura, como no la va asustar), ahora creo que asustarnos era el chiste de ese perro todos los días que tenía cla oportunidad de hacerlo...
Sin embargo esos días estuvieron siempre llenos de alegrías y sorpresas, algo que supongo común para cualquier infante, pero no se... aun me da la sensación que me equivoqué de escena y en un momento no se cómo todos llegaron acá y yo con un libreto que a veces no corresponde con las circunstancias... una loquita querible dicen algunos... otros, no sé, no me lo han comentado... ah si, ese es el motivo por el cual "patearme la cabeza"... estos últimos dias me siento mas perdida que cuy en torneo de waterpolo... tal vez si llego a hacer lo que el título dice pueda reordenar las cosas o por lo menos dar un toque mas curioso para despertar mi actividad fisica que francamente... últimamente esta para llorar
Sunday, May 07, 2006
midterms...
feeling like i've been swimming 100 meters until now... knowing that there are 300 left... i know i can make it... i know.. but, in every breath i take to keep my race, i remember what was being walking, jumping, climbing... and i know that i must finish this race... i must hold on 300 (and something) meters more...
a night at a club, feels so odd, hell, i did have fun, for godsake i did (and my feet reminded me all this day) but, it's like... there's something missing in the whole scene... it's not the people, it's not the music, it's what i was used to do... being there just on my own, but i have to be done with this race before i do it again...
y diablos... sigo con este estupido cruce idiomatico, y por un demonio... acepto que tengo la maldita mania de maldecir con mucha frecuencia (enfasis le llaman)... toy cansada... toy aburrida... toy con gran gana de volar el edificio de la universidad a ver si eso hace reaccionar al condenado rector que tenemos... no puedo creer que las cosas sigan igual... es desalentador... pero que demonios... solo debo seguir... debo seguir
aaaah... y el fantasma ataca de vez en cuando... pero ya solo se sienta a conversar y nada mas... aaaah... me llegan mis horarios, son una basura... me llega ese tipo que se encargo de enredarlos mas este semestre, es un inutil completo... pero que diablos, la collera pesa mas....
aaaaaargggg.... ahora... a armar el resumen que maniana solo requiero de procedimientos y criterio para salvar esta nota y estar mas tranquila... say hi once i a while...
ahi te veo o te leo, lo que suceda 1ro
a night at a club, feels so odd, hell, i did have fun, for godsake i did (and my feet reminded me all this day) but, it's like... there's something missing in the whole scene... it's not the people, it's not the music, it's what i was used to do... being there just on my own, but i have to be done with this race before i do it again...
y diablos... sigo con este estupido cruce idiomatico, y por un demonio... acepto que tengo la maldita mania de maldecir con mucha frecuencia (enfasis le llaman)... toy cansada... toy aburrida... toy con gran gana de volar el edificio de la universidad a ver si eso hace reaccionar al condenado rector que tenemos... no puedo creer que las cosas sigan igual... es desalentador... pero que demonios... solo debo seguir... debo seguir
aaaah... y el fantasma ataca de vez en cuando... pero ya solo se sienta a conversar y nada mas... aaaah... me llegan mis horarios, son una basura... me llega ese tipo que se encargo de enredarlos mas este semestre, es un inutil completo... pero que diablos, la collera pesa mas....
aaaaaargggg.... ahora... a armar el resumen que maniana solo requiero de procedimientos y criterio para salvar esta nota y estar mas tranquila... say hi once i a while...
ahi te veo o te leo, lo que suceda 1ro
night out..
after a while, it was time to go out implying dancing, a crowded place and lots of deafness due to the music...
yeah... i had lots of fun, dacing like i haven't in a while (a month and something else) i mean, unstoppable dancing... it was, odd... well... many things are odd with me... i like those moments just to let my mind go around, solve and play those things that might have left uncomplete... so... there was me, my cousin, my friend, my cousin's friends, my cousin's friends' girlfriends and some people also related to his job... well... it's me right now in front of the computer... and hell, i'm tired... i'll sleep... then... i'll write again, my system is shuting down... good night! 
Thursday, May 04, 2006
over
i was listening to a song composed by Pedro Suarez Vertiz, hell, this guy knows how to tell... well, can't help it, i just had to write what i felt
so, months have passed, now i know it's really over... the place that was hurting... doesn't do it anymore... all the good times and memories will never be taken away... but nobody could ever tell, what was coming next...
if i'm fine or not, the universe doesn't care... everything goes on all around...
i know, i've accepted it, no one expects that end... either way, it's just the way it is, the best way it could ever be...
wondering about the how we could, would or should... such stupid nonsense... i just don't wanna talk about it anymore (for today)... oh... leave me alone... i couldn't go out just like nothing happened, not today... illusions have faded away... leave that kiss for the list of "if"... love is not a deity, it's a cycle which very often hits pretty hard, hell, and too fast
if there's another chance, i couldn't tell... by now this book is closed... sometimes it's better to be blind... we can't blame each other, at the end, looks like nothing was wrong... good bye sweetheart, godspeed!
We have to choose: AIDS or Cancer?
We're having a runoff, within a month we'll have to choose between 2 guys who, hell, only in this country could have ever happen...
On one side, we have a guy whom with a cheap populist speech and a great lack of basic knowledge of how to rule something which is not a platoon (and that's saying a lot) has got a one third of the votes... with an attitude very close to a dictatorial profile, he resembles those guys of our darkest days who supported the long known quote "The Road to Hell is paved with good intentions"... and hell, paraphrasing a girlie song "ooh baby do you know what's worse? ooh hell can be a place on earth"... I wasn't born during the last dictator's period but studying about it and talking with people who were old enough to be aware of what happened those days, demons... it was awful...
On the other side, we have someone a former president, oh hell, this was someone to remember!, intellingent, recognized as one of the last politicians on this side of the Earth and before his period (85-90) we never had as many problems and lack of everything as we did (even until this day)... he came with the promise of taking the country to a new level... oh yeah he did, a new level of poverty, terrorism and, well, looking at the bright side, it helped a lot of us to develop even more our famous ingenuity to survive those days making 2 out of 1 everyday... oh yeah, and how to keep the good mood after the worst situation 'cos somehow, the economy situation always found it way to get worse...
So... those are our choices... facing this I only can say... hell, let's go for the one we know... I'd like to believe he doesn't want to be remembered as the worse president in our whole history and he won't screw up everything as he did before... so... let us believe that everyone learns out of their experiences and if they want to experience them again, they won't fall with the same stone... hahahahahahaha!!! yeah... let's hope
On one side, we have a guy whom with a cheap populist speech and a great lack of basic knowledge of how to rule something which is not a platoon (and that's saying a lot) has got a one third of the votes... with an attitude very close to a dictatorial profile, he resembles those guys of our darkest days who supported the long known quote "The Road to Hell is paved with good intentions"... and hell, paraphrasing a girlie song "ooh baby do you know what's worse? ooh hell can be a place on earth"... I wasn't born during the last dictator's period but studying about it and talking with people who were old enough to be aware of what happened those days, demons... it was awful...
On the other side, we have someone a former president, oh hell, this was someone to remember!, intellingent, recognized as one of the last politicians on this side of the Earth and before his period (85-90) we never had as many problems and lack of everything as we did (even until this day)... he came with the promise of taking the country to a new level... oh yeah he did, a new level of poverty, terrorism and, well, looking at the bright side, it helped a lot of us to develop even more our famous ingenuity to survive those days making 2 out of 1 everyday... oh yeah, and how to keep the good mood after the worst situation 'cos somehow, the economy situation always found it way to get worse...
So... those are our choices... facing this I only can say... hell, let's go for the one we know... I'd like to believe he doesn't want to be remembered as the worse president in our whole history and he won't screw up everything as he did before... so... let us believe that everyone learns out of their experiences and if they want to experience them again, they won't fall with the same stone... hahahahahahaha!!! yeah... let's hope
May 1st
Nobody can deny the fact that the United States of America has been (and still is) a country build basically by immigrants. Since the Mayflower, non-americans arrival hasn't stopped and it's thanks to their contribution of good effort and good will (independently of their legal status) that that country has grown up to be what they've got as a country right now.
Even nowadays part of their population, regardless they've been born in America, still identify themselves as "foreigners" referring their parent's or grandparent's origin (from all around the world) who came mainly after the 2nd world war.
These are the reasons why, when I read about this law and noticed Bush's subtle change of position, I thought it was some kind of strange joke to raise Bush's popularity among the hispanic community which is the majority of the immigrants.
Now, with this boicot and some companies support I hope it becomes a call to that law's promoters' conscience to stop following xenophobic-pseudo-nationalist shadows while they recall where did they ancestors came from, why did they do it and recognize that the immigrants' community, legal or not, fulfills a similar role and enriches the locar culture... besides they could avoid falling into the same mistake by trying to condemn everyone for sins of a few...
Even nowadays part of their population, regardless they've been born in America, still identify themselves as "foreigners" referring their parent's or grandparent's origin (from all around the world) who came mainly after the 2nd world war.
These are the reasons why, when I read about this law and noticed Bush's subtle change of position, I thought it was some kind of strange joke to raise Bush's popularity among the hispanic community which is the majority of the immigrants.
Now, with this boicot and some companies support I hope it becomes a call to that law's promoters' conscience to stop following xenophobic-pseudo-nationalist shadows while they recall where did they ancestors came from, why did they do it and recognize that the immigrants' community, legal or not, fulfills a similar role and enriches the locar culture... besides they could avoid falling into the same mistake by trying to condemn everyone for sins of a few...
